he loved hurt him before cluing in that she was in it for herself and herself only. Audra had made a choice to be with Anderson and a choice to stay with him and a choice to not talk about their relationship.
He watched her as he fought to keep his temper on an even keel. “I have a problem that you were with him for far longer than makes sense. Assuming that what you told me about your reasons for being with him are true.”
“Are you asking me if I lied about it?” Hurt and no small amount of shock pinched her mouth together. “What did he say to you? Jared is poisonous, Charlie. On that we can agree. Don’t let him come between us.”
“I’m not—” He took a deep breath because of course he was. “Yeah. He said some things that made it seem like the conversations you and I have had weren’t the full story. We’ve done a fantastic job of avoiding this subject. I guess it’s apparent why.”
“Because neither of us is good at saying what’s going on inside,” she said flatly. “What’s new? I apologized for dating him. What are you looking for with this cross-examination?”
I want to understand why the thought of Anderson’s hands on you infuriates me so much.
He scrubbed at his face and reeled back the blackness seething through his chest before he said something he couldn’t take back. Distress didn’t mix well with his triggers, and all sorts of warning signs started firing off: The easiest way to avoid meltdown was to leave.
“I’m sorry,” he muttered as he shoved off the couch. “I can’t do this.”
“No, Charlie.” Her voice rang out, stopping him in his tracks in the middle of her living room. “You can. Stop running away from the hard parts of us.”
“All of it is hard.” Bleakly, he turned to meet her stricken gaze. “There’s a reason we said no promises the first time around. Neither of us was in a place where we could make them. And it feels a lot like we’re still not.”
That was the bottom line. She had her secrets. He had his. Never the two shall meet.
Her chest rose and fell as she processed that. The gulf between them stretched to roughly the size of the Milky Way, and he had no idea how to bridge the gap. It would take a herculean effort, a time machine. More grace on her part than he deserved.
They’d both done their share of messing up what they’d had once, and that trend continued.
“We’re getting there, Charlie. Or at least I’m trying to. I went to see Jared because it’s my fault he started this feud,” she admitted. “I needed to fix it.”
Shutting his eyes, he sucked air into his lungs. Her secrets were far more explosive than he’d guessed, apparently. Never would he have assumed that he could feel even more betrayed. But that one sentence had done it. It had been her fault all along that Anderson had targeted Aqueous Adventures. He’d talked himself out of believing that. If she hadn’t confessed, he’d still be sure she wasn’t involved. And she hadn’t even apologized.
He’d dragged his guys to the Caribbean on the premise that they’d build something real and solid where they could heal. Thrive. Charlie wasn’t the only one who’d brought home extra struggles from Iraq. It had been difficult, and he’d questioned his sanity every day, especially as he’d been doing it in such close proximity to Audra for so long.
Not only had his former friend turned on him, Audra had instigated the vendetta that threatened Aqueous Adventures. His business might never recover, and she’d caused his problems.
The angst and confusion of the last year swirled through his breastbone along with all of the ugliness that still cut through his psyche daily. How did he begin to forgive and forget when she kept throwing out new bombs on a regular basis?
And if she was pregnant, marrying her was still the right thing to do. Obviously, he’d misspoken to Anderson about his impending martyrdom. It sure felt like his entire body was being burned at the stake.
“Just out of curiosity, how was it your fault?” he asked brokenly. “Did you ask Anderson to get back at me for breaking up with you?”
Seemed as good an explanation as any since she wasn’t spilling the real one.
Her face paled. “Why the hell would I do that?”
Still not a reason. Or did she not even realize she hadn’t answered?