find one. I’m not walking out today and saying sayonara. You guys mean too much to me.”
“Apparently not enough to keep playing with us,” Garrett says.
“I love you guys,” Brad says. “But I love my family more.”
I turn to Crew and Bria. “You’re awfully quiet. You don’t have a problem with this?”
“Of course we have a problem with it,” Bria says. “We like Brad. We like the way things are, but he’s getting married. He’s having a baby. His priorities have changed. We need to respect that.”
“You can marry and have kids and still go on the road,” I argue.
Brad stands and places a hand on my shoulder. “I’m not going to miss my kid’s first smile and first steps. I don’t want to miss a single day of his or her life.”
“Bring them on the road with us.”
“Katie doesn’t want to.”
“You’ll resent her,” Garrett says. “Maybe not at first, but it’ll happen.”
“It won’t. Like I said, this wasn’t only her decision. I want this too.”
“That’s it?” I say. “There’s nothing we can say to change your mind?”
“I don’t want to hurt you guys, but hey, I’m just the bassist. Easily replaceable, right?” he jokes.
Bria hugs him. “That’s not true. Somebody will have big shoes to fill.”
“When are you going to tell Ronni?” I ask.
“We’re not telling her,” Crew says. “I don’t want IRL having anything to do with finding a replacement. We’ll do it ourselves. We don’t talk about it with anyone else. Agreed?”
We nod.
“Okay, then,” Crew says, walking to the mic. “We’ve still got our jobs to do.”
We rehearse for hours, but it’s not the same, knowing things are changing. So much for everything in my life coming together.
After practice, Crew pulls me aside. “Is everything okay?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? Dirk still has me by the balls. We’re losing our bassist. Everything is wonderful.”
“I’m not talking about what happened today.” He makes sure no one is listening. “You’ve been getting some official-looking envelopes in the mail lately. Is there something I should know about?”
“Nope.”
“You’re not plotting anything against Dirk?”
“Not yet.”
“What is it then?”
“It’s nothing. You’re going to have to trust me on this.”
“All right, but I’m here for you. Whenever and whatever. I’ve got your back.”
He walks away and I bite my tongue, wanting to tell him but knowing he could never understand.
~ ~ ~
“Hey, slow down!” Ella shouts. “Why are you running so fast today?”
I let her catch up.
“You’ve been quiet, too. Is something wrong?”
“Brad quit the band this morning.”
She tugs me to a stop. “Seriously? Why? Oh—the baby.”
“I don’t think it’s the baby. It’s Katie. She wants him at home.”
“What does he want?”
“He claims he wants the same thing she does, but I’m not buying it.”
“What’ll you do?”
“Find another bassist.”
“As in put an ad in the paper or something?”
“It doesn’t work like that, and we have to keep it quiet. Ronni and IRL don’t know, and we don’t plan to tell them.”
“Why not?”
“Because they’d find someone and force him on us. They did it last year when Bria almost quit the band.”
“Oh, right. She told me about that. So how will you find a replacement?”
“Brad’s going to stay on until we hire someone. We can take our time, scout out other bands.”
“You’d take a bass player from another band?”
“It happens more than you know. If you look at a lot of the famous guitar players of our time, many of them played together in one band or another early in their careers.”
“How does it work?”
“We invite them to play with us and see if they’re a good fit.”
“You invite them to your rehearsal studio at IRL? The one Dirk owns and where Ronni works?”
“Shit. We didn’t think that far ahead. More good news, Ronni and Dirk are fucking. They were in her office this morning.”
“They really have no boundaries, do they? So he’s still at IRL? Maybe now is a good time to release the video.”
I start running again.
“Liam, wait. Did I say something wrong?” She draws even with me. “You do want to release it, don’t you?”
I think about what Dirk said this morning about me being a victim. “I’m not sure I can.”
“Stop. We’ve done five miles already, and I want to talk about this.”
I slow to a walk and turn in the direction of home. “There’s nothing to talk about.”
“Why aren’t you sure you can do it? Are you scared of what people will think?”
“Of course I’m scared, El. You think I want people knowing what a freak I am?”