girl in Mr. Moody’s auto shop during the four years I went.” I sighed. “I was made fun of by everyone. Even the kids who everyone else made fun of, made fun of me.”
He made a face of pained commiseration. “God, that sucks. High school is the worst.”
I made a what can you do face. “So, yeah, I didn’t exactly have anyone lined up to relieve me of my virginity in high school. Never went to a single high school or middle school dance. Not one.” I laughed. “The night of prom, Dad and I were putting in a new flywheel. We had pizza and listened to most of Led Zeppelin’s entire discography.”
“Did you ever have a crush on anyone?”
I snorted. “Sure. I had the worst crush on Jeff Ringold. He was the coolest kid in school, drove a Mercedes G-Wagen, captain of the soccer and lacrosse teams. Hot as hell. Big shoulders, blond hair that was just like Brad Pitt’s—that perfect. I told him I liked him, and I thought he was cute. I did it after school one day. He laughed in my face, told everyone what I’d said, and they all made fun of me so bad I ran home crying.”
“Jesus. What a prick.”
“Yeah, he was. I just…I’d had a crush on him since he was a pimply violin dork in fifth grade. Wasn’t my fault he’d blossomed into a teenage heartthrob. And a major jackass.” I closed my eyes, remembering. “Every time he saw me, he’d laugh, and shake his head, like he couldn’t believe I’d even talk to him. So that kind of soured me on boys for the rest of high school.”
He frowned. “So…”
I could tell he was figuring out how to phrase his question. “Just ask, Rhys. I won’t be offended.”
“What we did? None of that was your first time. You said you’d done other stuff. So…how’d you get from boys are pathetic to…that?”
I laughed. “I graduated high school at just barely seventeen—I skipped a grade, which also didn’t help my unpopularity. And that year, the year I graduated, was when I finally got these.” I cupped my breasts and shook them. And his eyes followed them for a comically long time. And the sheet he’d covered his erection with tented even more. “I filled out, and without the pressure of high school, I just…was a little happier. I think the stress and pressure of high school literally kept me from developing all the way. I dunno.”
“You didn’t answer the question,” he said. “You also said, maybe you don’t remember saying it, but last night or this morning you said you’d only seen two penises, but mine was your favorite, or something like that.”
“What I said was, yours has to be the prettiest penis there is.” I laughed. “I get weird when I’m half asleep.”
He snorted, grinning at me. “I know, I noticed. I like it.”
“Because I compliment your penis?”
“Because it’s adorable.”
I rolled my eyes. “Adorable. Not sure how I feel about being adorable.”
“In an arousing kind of way?”
I laughed. “Better.” I twisted my hair in my hands, a nervous habit. “You really want to know?”
He laughed ruefully. “Yeah, and no. But yeah.”
“My saving grace, ever since sixth grade, has been Max Horowitz. The only kid more unpopular than me. Chess genius, computer genius, and the literal Hollywood personification of nerd. Thick-rimmed glasses, dressed like a college professor, was getting college credit by tenth grade, played the bassoon.”
“The what?”
I laughed. “It’s a wind instrument.”
“Oh. Never heard of it.”
“They’re weird.” I sighed. “Max and I would sit together at lunch. He’d read his programming or chess books, and I’d read my classic literature. He’s the kind of chess genius who knows how to play chess with moves that have names like ‘Harkov’s Gambit’ or something. He used to go to Manhattan on the weekend and play speed chess for money. Actually, I think he still does.”
“Now we’re getting somewhere.”
I nodded, laughing. “So, yeah. Max, being just as unpopular as me, was just as lonely as me. We both graduated high school and were like, now what. He’s insanely smart, and he could do just about anything, but for whatever reason, he decided what he wanted to do was be a freelance programmer. He could, like, be in the NSA, if he wanted, but he’s happy designing websites and playing speed chess.” I sighed again, not wanting to get into this. “We hung out a lot. We both tried pot together for the first time.