a moment of frozen hesitation, and then we opened to each other. His mustache scratched at the soft skin of my lips, and it only ignited my nerves, increasing their sensitivity.
“Are you sure about this?” he mumbled against my mouth.
In answer, I pushed my hands into his hair, pulling him deeper into the kiss.
Life quickly fell into a pattern. During my days, I went to therapy, self-defense class, and either read books or wandered around the campus woods. Afternoons, I hung out with Jordan before work, and any time he wasn’t working or sleeping, we spent together. We spent the next Tuesday dinner with his family again, and it was as delightful as the first, and more comfortable.
The last few self-defense classes, Luis had modified the exercises for me, so that I was practicing wrist locks, kicks, and strikes. Sometimes River dropped by to assist, but not every class.
I needed to be able to practice someone coming up behind me, or grabbing my body. Those were my weak points. I didn’t expect to be an expert after one class, or even a year of classes, but I needed to address it if I ever wanted to feel safe on my own.
So the next time Luis set the other students to practicing head locks, I was ready.
“I want to try.”
To his credit, Luis didn’t look skeptical or hesitate. “Let’s walk through it slowly and loosely first, then. I’m not going to wrap my arms around you the first few times. We’ll just hover. And if you’re comfortable with that, we’ll tighten up, okay?”
My breath already quickened in anticipation. I nodded.
Luis positioned me and then came up behind me and circled his arms in the air around me. He didn’t even lean against my back. “How are you doing? Red, green, or yellow?”
My muscles were tense, my breathing was fast, but my vision was still clear. “Green.”
“Now I want you to grab my arm as if you were trying to pull it away from your throat—no the other side of my arm—yes. Now step forward with your left leg... back with your right, twist out. Now push me and run away.”
It felt silly, with his arms hovering and there being no real danger, but I followed the steps. I probably didn’t push him away as hard as I should have, but this was just practice.
“How do you feel? Any excessive stress?”
“Nope.”
“Want to try again?”
I nodded and we went through the steps several more times before he said, “Okay, this time I’m going to tighten up a little. Not all the way.” He placed his arms around me. His arms touched my shoulders, and he grabbed his left arm with his right hand. “Color?”
Still anxious, still breathing fast, but about the same as before. “Green.”
We went through the movements again several times, my confidence growing now that there was some bump and resistance.
“Okay, now I’m going to put you in a lose hold. I’m not going to tighten up on you, but it might feel a lot more claustrophobic, okay?”
The moment his arms wrapped around my neck, my arms felt itchy. My eyes darted from one thing to another, and staying still was torture, but I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out.
“Color?”
“Yellow.”
“Should we break or keep going?”
“Keep going.”
I almost freaked out when my head caught against his arms, but a second later I was free. I shoved Luis hard, making him stumble back and catch himself on the floor, and I ran several steps away.
He clapped as he got to his feet. “That’s exactly what we’re looking for. Again?”
Adrenaline rushed through my system. I grinned. I was conquering my fears.
There was a chance, a small chance, that I might actually be okay.
“Again.”
“Wyatt, can I see you real quick?” Luis called after class.
I waved goodbye to Geordie. Craig still was very hot and cold toward me, and I really didn’t see his attitude changing any time soon. But he still made food for both me and Hunter, even if he disappeared into his room or left right after every time. He nodded to me today, which was more than normal.
“You did good today,” Luis said.
“Thanks. I feel a lot better. I know I still don’t have a chance in a real situation... but I’ll get there.”
Luis scratched the back of his neck. “What I wanted to talk to you about... it’s not related to class. And it’s a little personal, so feel free to tell me to mind my own business.”
He