Reaching Answers (Artemis University #8) - Erin R Flynn Page 0,74
it could be.
Then I realized it was to hurry and pick up a few things.
“I’ve never had a guest here, sorry,” he muttered.
I bit back a smile, but then something the others had said sank in. “I’ve never seen this side of you. I’ve only seen the adult with his shit completely together. The adult who helped me get my shit together. You’ve never seemed like…”
“Your age?” he offered.
“Yes, but I mean… No, not really. I mean, Mel is, but not really. I just—you were in the same category to me, but she’s almost the same age gap as we are. I never really thought about it.”
“I’m not a real adult.” He snorted. “I wish I had my shit together. I do in runes and in teaching. I tried to for a lot of stuff so you felt at ease in this life, but I’m not a real adult, love.”
“I hear that’s overrated,” I joked.
He laughed, but then moved out of the way for me. “Do you want to watch a movie or something?”
“Oh, um, I was going to freshen up so we could…”
Sadness filled his eyes, which I wasn’t ready for. “You’re not ready, Tamsin. That’s okay. I got the aura charm.”
“That will get you in other trouble and cause problems we can’t risk,” I argued. “I’m okay.”
“I can’t. I can’t do this if you’re not ready.”
“I am,” I promised, knowing it was on the line of a lie.
He moved to block me with his arm when I tried to duck in the bathroom and avoid his knowing gaze. “Love, I won’t be able to perform if you’re not wholeheartedly willing. I love you, Tamsin. I can’t be with you when you’re only having sex with me so we can activate a godsdamn charm.”
For some reason, my brain only processed part of that—of course the bad part—and I blinked up at him. “You don’t want me?”
“What? No, of course—”
“Are you saying if I get naked in your bed, you won’t get hard for me?”
“Of course I will.” He let out a slow breath. “I get a stiffy for you all the fucking time, love. I’m saying I will deflate if you aren’t into it. I can’t push you when you’re not ready.”
“But you still want me? I mean, I know you wanted to be together again, but physically?”
“Yes.” He searched my eyes. “Why are you asking that? We had sex at the arena and in all of those dreams. Why would you think I didn’t want you?”
I didn’t have an answer. I opened my mouth but then closed it. The moment he glanced away from my eyes and to my aura, I ducked under his arm and slid into the bathroom, closing the door behind me.
Why had I asked all of that?
I’m spiraling. I’m spinning out and so terrified I made the wrong choice taking him back that I’m freaking out over any little thing.
Awesome. Seriously, that would be awesome.
I’m fine. I can do this. I love him. I’m fine.
I was fine.
I would be fine.
I saw his towel hanging on the wall and decided it was better just to get to it. I quickly stripped off my clothes and freshened up—which I didn’t need since I’d come right out of the shower and only eaten since then. Then I used the bathroom and freshened up again. I probably spent fifteen minutes stalling, but then I walked out of his bathroom in nothing but his towel.
“Bloody fuck, love,” he whispered from the kitchen area. His eyes raked over me, but then he looked up at the ceiling. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but let’s—”
“Julian, if you seriously reject me right now, I don’t know if I will ever be strong enough to ever get naked for you again,” I blurted, clutching the towel to me. I stared at my feet and fought tears, feeling so fucking stupid and like this whole thing was a mistake. There was no way I could seduce him.
Why didn’t he want me anymore?
“It’s not a mistake,” he rasped, pulling me to him.
Shit, I was projecting again. He was as easy to let into my thoughts as Lucca was now that our magic had played together or whatever.
I swallowed a yelp as he lifted me in his arms. I let go of the towel and held around his neck. My clutching the material had messed up where I’d tucked it though, so I felt it slipping.