We were at it for a long time. I needed that terrorized dream out of my system and f**king was a way for me to make that happen. If you can f**k then you are alive—the brutal logic was fairly hard to dispute there.
It was pretty rough shagging too, even for us. And Brynne could take it rough from me. She had before and she would again because I’d never let her go. Never. I couldn’t imagine doing the things I’d just done to her with anyone else. I knew I wouldn’t be able to.
I understood later in the dark, after the crazed sex trip I’d dragged her on, and after she fell into a deep sleep beside me. She’d come so many times she just passed out from exhaustion once I could finally bring myself to stop. She never asked me to stop though. My girl gave herself to me and didn’t press for answers. And I was glad because I didn’t want to talk about any of it yet. My insides were far too raw after my nightmare.
I wanted to light up but denied myself. It felt wrong in regards to her. It was wrong to subject her to my unhealthful smoking and I wouldn’t do it around her anymore.
Watching her sleeping after that session, her methodical breathing, her long lashes resting above her cheekbones, her hair swirling wildly over the pillow, completely took my breath away. I knew I had found my angel at last and I would hold onto her with everything I had.
No more yielding but a dream…
She saved me from the utter madness of my torment. She made me want things I’d never wanted before. I would kill if I had to in order to keep her safe. It would kill me if anything ever happened to her.
Eventually I was able to fall asleep again and it was only because she was right there with me.
9
I woke up to an empty bed and an empty flat, and an authentic nightmare. After what happened in the night, the last thing I expected was for Brynne to be AWOL on me.
My first clue that something wasn’t right came when I rolled in the bed and kept going. No soft, warm body smelling of flowers and the decadent shagging from last night to press against and wrap myself around. Just sheets and pillows. She wasn’t in my bed. I called out her name and got only ominous silence back. I began to feel sickening dread.
Last night too much for her?
I checked the bathroom first. I could see she’d used the shower. Her cosmetics and brush were out on the vanity but she was definitely absent. Not in the kitchen making coffee, not in my office checking her emails, not working out in the gym, not anywhere inside the flat.
I pulled up the security camera video on a monitor that recorded the front door and hallway. Anyone coming or going would be on it. My heart pounded so hard my chest had to be visibly moving. I rewound the last hour and there she was, dressed in joggers and trainers heading for the lifts, headphones stuck in her ears.
“Fuck!” I screamed, slamming my hand down on my desktop. Out for a morning run? Un-fucking-believable. I blinked at what I was seeing and scrubbed a hand over my beard.
“Tell me you’re on her right now!” I shouted into the direct line to Neil.
“What?” He sounded like he was still laid up in bed and I felt more ill than before.
“Wrong answer, mate. Brynne’s left the flat. On a run!”
“I was sleeping, E,” he said. “Why would I be tagging her if she’s in the flat with you—”
I hung up on Neil and called Brynne on her mobile. It went to voicemail of course. I almost threw mine at the wall but I managed to text her with: WTF RU?
I ran to my closet, threw on some clothes and shoes, grabbed car keys, wallet, mobile, and bailed down to the garage. I tore out onto the street, tires squealing, and started calculating how far she could have gone in the time since she’d been tracked on security cam, my mind running wild with scenarios of how easy it would be for a professional hit to take her out at this hour and make it look like an accident.
It was early, just past seven, a typical overcast London morning coming alive for the day. The usual delivery vans and street vendors moving about, the neighbourhood coffee house doing a brisk business, a few early morning runners getting their workout in, but not the one I was looking for. She could be anywhere.
I kept coming back to why she would take off without telling me. I was scared shitless it was because of me. What she’d seen of me last night. What had happened after… I was in so far over my head with Brynne it was laughable. God knows we both have our issues but maybe that cluster f**k of emotions last night was more than she wanted to put up with. I rubbed my chest and kept driving.
My mobile rang. Neil. I put him through the audio in-car speakers.
“I’ve not spotted her yet. I’m on Cromwell now, heading south but I think I’ve traveled further than she could’ve made since the time stamp on security cam.”
“Look, E, I’m sorry.”
“You can tell me that after I find her.” I was angry but it wasn’t his fault. Brynne had been with me and Neil was technically off duty. My fault. What a f**king mess.
“I’ll head east then. Lots of joggers follow Heath Downs by the park.”
“Do that, mate.”
I kept scanning, praying for the sight of her when a text came through: Ur up. Gettin coffee. What u want me 2 bring u?