She mouthed a silent thank you but still looked sad. She probably dreaded our conversation but knew it had to be done. For her own sake she needed to tell me something hard and I would have to listen. If this is what she needed to do in order for us to move forward then I would hear whatever it was.
“Pizza it is then.” I had to let go of her hand to drive but I could manage it. Just barely. My girl was right next to me in my car. I could smell her, and see her, and even touch her if I reached out; she was that close to me. And for the first time in days, the constant ache in my chest had slipped away.
4
Candlelight and pizza are excellent with the right person. For me, the right person was sitting across from me and it wouldn’t have mattered where we were as long as we were together. But Brynne needed food and I needed to hear her story, so Bellissima’s would do as well as any other place.
We had a table in a dark, private corner, a bottle of red wine, and one giant sausage and mushroom to share. I tried not to make her uncomfortable by staring too hard but it was damn difficult not to because my eyes were starved for the view of her. Ravenous.
I did my best to be a considerate listener instead. Across from me Brynne looked like she was struggling with how to begin. I smiled at her and commented on how good the food tasted. I found myself wishing she would eat a little more but kept my mouth shut on that matter. I am sure I’m not a moron. I grew up with an older sister and the lessons learned from Hannah have definitely stuck with me throughout the years. Women don’t like to be told about what to eat or not eat. Best to just leave her alone and hope for the best.
She looked very far away in her head when she started telling me about her life, I didn’t like the sad body language nor the defeated sound to her voice, but those points were irrelevant.
“My parents split when I was fourteen. I didn’t handle it well I guess. I’m an only child so I suppose I reached out for some kind of validation or maybe it was to get back at them for the divorce. Who knows, but bottom line? I was a slut in high school.” She lifted her eyes to mine, steely grey and determined to get her point across. “It’s true, I was. I didn’t make great choices in the boys I dated and I didn’t care about my reputation. I was spoiled and immature, and very stupidly reckless.”
Really! First surprise of the night. I couldn’t imagine Brynne like that and didn’t want to either, but the pragmatic side of me realized most everyone had a past, and my girl was no different. She picked up her wineglass and stared into it like she was remembering. I didn’t say anything. I just listened and soaked in the sight of her so close to me.
“There was this news story that went viral in California a few years back. A sheriff’s son made a video of a girl at a party. She was passed out drunk when him and two of his buddies f**ked her and toyed with her on the pool table.”
I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise up. Please, no. “I remember that,” I said, forcing myself to listen and trying not to react much. “The sheriff tried to suppress evidence against his son but it leaked out and the motherfuckers got convicted anyway.”
“Yeah…in that case they did.” She looked down at her pizza and then back up at me. “Not in mine though.”
Her eyes got glassy and suddenly I didn’t feel like eating either.
“I went to a party with my friend Jessica and we got drunk of course. So drunk I don’t remember anything that happened until I woke up and heard them laughing and talking about me.” She took a big gulp of wine before she continued. “Lance Oakley was—is—a total ass**le, entitled, rich deviant. His dad was a California state senator at the time. I don’t know why I ever went out with him. Probably because he merely asked. Like I said before, I didn’t make good choices with my behavior. I took risks. That’s how much I didn’t care about myself.”
I hate this.
“He was away at college and I was in my senior year of high school. I guess he felt entitled whenever he came home that I would be around for him but we weren’t exclusive by any means. I know he cheated. I guess he just expected I would pine away waiting for him to come home from college and be his convenience. I did know he was mad at me for going out with another boy I met at a track meet, but not how cruel he would be because of it.”
“You were track and field at your school?” I asked.
“Yeah...the running.” She nodded and looked into her glass again. “So I wake up in a total fog and not able to move my limbs. We think he may have put something in my drinks…” She swallowed hard and continued bravely on. “They were talking about me but I didn’t know it was me at first. Or what they had done to me. There were three of them, all on Thanksgiving break from college. I didn’t even know the other two guys, only Lance. They were not from my school.” She took a drink of her wine. “I could hear them laughing at someone. Saying how they shoved a pool stick and a bottle and—and f**ked her with those things—how she was a whore who begged for it.”
Brynne closed her eyes and breathed in deep. I ached for her. I wanted to kill Oakley and his friend, and wished his dead buddy was still alive so I could kill him too. I had no idea about this. I’d assumed it was just a youthful indiscretion that some idiot decided to video—not a full blown sexual assault on a seventeen year old girl. I reached out for her hand and covered it with mine. She stilled for an instant and closed her eyes tighter, but she didn’t flinch away. Again, her bravery humbled me and I waited for her to say more.
“I had no idea they were talking about me though, I was so out of it. When I could move my legs and arms I struggled to get up. They laughed and left me there on the table. I knew I’d had sex but I didn’t know with whom or any details. I felt sick and hung-over. I just wanted to get out of that house. So I pulled my clothes back together, found Jessica, and got a ride home.”
A growl came unbidden out of my throat. I couldn’t help it. Even to my ears I sounded like a dog. Brynne looked up at me almost startled for a second and then down at my hand on top of hers. I focused on her and pulled my emotions together. Losing my cool wouldn’t help Brynne at all, so I brushed my thumb over her hand slowly back and forth, hoping like hell she understood how much it hurt me to hear of her being used like that. My mind was reeling with what she’d shared. At the time of the crime, the perpetrators had been adults and she’d been underage. Interesting. And I couldn’t figure out why Tom Bennett had omitted this information when he’d hired me. He was likely just trying to protect the reputation of his only child. No wonder he got volatile when he found out we were sleeping together.
“I would have put the whole thing out of my mind if not for the video. I had no idea what they had done to me or that they filmed me. I came to school on a Monday and it was big news. I was big news. They’d seen me—naked, passed out drunk, being—being toyed with—fucked—used like an object—”
Tears rolled down her cheeks but she didn’t lose her composure. She kept talking and I just held on to her hand.
“Everyone knew it was me. People had watched the video all weekend and passed it around. The video showed me clearly but the boys were off camera and the sound had been dubbed over with a song instead of audio so you couldn’t hear their voices to identify them.” She lowered her voice to a whisper. “Nine Inch Nails’—I Wanna Fuck You Like an Animal. They made it like a music video with the lyrics to the song printed out over the screen in big letters…You let me violate you—You let me desecrate you—You let me penetrate you—”
She faltered and my heart just broke in two for what she’d suffered. I knew only how much I wanted to make it work between us. I stopped her then. I had to. I couldn’t listen to any more and restrain myself in public. We needed privacy for this. I just wanted to take her home with me and hold her close. The rest could be figured out later.
I squeezed her hand so she would look up at me. Big luminous eyes, in colors that all blended together, filled with glassy tears I only wanted to lick away, looked into mine. “Let me take you home, please.” I nodded to make her understand it was what we needed. “I want to be alone with you right now, Brynne. Everything else doesn’t matter so much.”
She made a sound that just ripped my heart apart. So soft, but injured and raw. I stood up from the table abruptly, tugging her with me, and bless her heart, she followed without protesting. I threw some notes on the table and got her out to the car and buckled into her seat.
“Are you sure you want to, Ethan?” she asked me, her eyes red and full of tears.
I looked at her dead on. “I’ve never been surer of anything.” I leaned to her and put my hand on the back of her head so I could control the kiss. I kissed her thoroughly on the lips, even pressing against her teeth with my tongue so she would open up to me. Brynne needed to know I still wanted her. I knew she was struggling with the idea of herself and my knowledge of her past. She assumed I wouldn’t desire her anymore if I knew the details.
My girl could not have been more wrong.