vile black phlegm; my skin was screaming in pain, and feeling like only half of it was still adhering to my body; and my stomach was warning of an eruption.
Only no, you don’t, you bastard, I thought. You didn’t have breakfast or dinner, either. So, don’t threaten me!
I rolled over and tried to get to my hands and knees, but my hands were screaming, too. Everything was screaming. My body felt like it was still on fire, and I could smell my burnt hair. But I was up. I was swaying on my feet and the room was spinning, but I was up.
Where was he?
I was at the top of the stairs with an expansive view, but my eyes kept trying to cross. That wasn’t helped by the rapid-fire sound of metal on metal that echoed around the room, confusing my sense of direction. And my sense of balance, apparently, because I promptly tripped over something.
Hassani, I realized. And looking better than I’d expected. I watched a nasty burn on his face slowly close up, while being lovingly watered by a tiny, cheerful cloud.
My life was . . . odd.
Lantern Boy was there, too, kneeling by the boss’s side. I guessed he’d come back while I was out. Maybe he’d felt bad about abandoning his consul.
Which he damned well should, I thought evilly. Vampire strength could have gotten Hassani out of there a lot faster than I’d been able to—assuming the kid hadn’t burnt up right along with him. Which come to think of it . . .
I decided that maybe it was better that I hadn’t had two fiery vamps to deal with, after all, and patted his shoulder.
He started sobbing then, while his hands continued what they’d been doing, which was to uselessly stroke the boss’s arm. I guessed it made him feel better. I staggered off down the stairs.
A vampire lunged for me and I threw something at him. Wasn’t sure what, ‘cause my head felt weird and everything was swimmy, to the point that I was faintly surprised to have found a weapon in my hand. But that’d do it, I thought, as a tiny golden tiger went glimmering along its arc, vivid against the gloom. And turned into an eight-hundred-pound fluffball with fangs and claws before it hit down.
It jumped one of Hassani’s masters, making the man’s eyes go big.
“Did the same thing to me, when I first met him,” I slurred, as the two rolled back down the stairs in a ball of orange fury. “He grows on you.”
The vamp didn’t answer, unless you counted screaming.
So, what was I—oh yeah. Louis-Cesare. I had this weird idea that he was here, although I didn’t see—
And then I did. Leaping out from behind one of the huge pillars, a rapier in one hand and a flaming torch in another: my hubby. My old man. My ball and chain.
I stopped two thirds of the way down the stairs to leer at him affectionately. He didn’t notice, maybe because he was facing off with what had to be twenty guys. Or maybe ten; my eyes kept trying to cross. A lot of guys.
Make that a lot of masters, I thought, as four or five rushed him, all at once.
Not fair, I thought, and threw some more stuff.
There was a glittering rain of gold, and then there was a variety of things that should not have been sitting in an ancient throne room. Some of it, I admit, was not technically relevant. Like the easy chair and dorm style fridge—so nice for stake outs—that popped into being in the middle of the air and fell onto a vamp’s head. Or the case of disguises, which deposited a blonde wig on one vamp, and a fake beard and glasses on another. Or the bright red motorcycle that suddenly appeared and skidded into a pillar.
Or the inflatable life raft, which hit the floor as a tiny charm and bounced a couple of times, before sprawling out full sized in the midst of a vampire charge.
It didn’t do much damage; it was a raft. But the fact that it was there at all seemed to confuse them. It did not confuse Louis-Cesare, who stared around wildly until he saw me. And, for some reason, looked stunned, appalled, and furious by turns.
Hope the latter wasn’t directed at me, I thought, and waved.
“Hey!” I yelled.
“Dory! Go back where you were!”
“No. You’re in trouble. M’gonna help you.” I smiled at him sloppily.
Then I remembered that