I don’t think I’ve been clear enough with you,” he added.
Oh, he’d been clear, and I was desperately trying not to see the reasons. Maybe that was why the tiny piece of bitterness slipped out of me. “I’m surprised you’re not busy right now with—” I managed to stop myself from finishing the sentence.
“With whom?” One side of his lips curved up. “Tatiana?”
I looked away.
“I saw you in the courtyard, Brighton. I wasn’t there with Tatiana, but it seems where I go this week, Tanner finds me with Tatiana in tow.”
I kept my face impressively blank. “I shouldn’t have said anything. I don’t even know why I did. And you shouldn’t be here.”
“I know what I should and should not do. Keeping you safe is something that I should be doing.” His gaze lowered. “Checking out your legs at the moment would probably be one of the things I shouldn’t be doing.”
My legs?
I glanced down to discover that the blanket had slipped to my knees, and a whole lot of leg was visible. Flushing, I yanked the cover up. “I see knowing you shouldn’t be doing something hasn’t stopped you.”
“You know you shouldn’t lie to me, but yet you still do,” he replied. “Why should you be the only one who does things they know they shouldn’t?”
My grip tightened on the blanket. “For the last time, I—”
“Did I ever tell you that my mother always knew when I was lying?” he interrupted, throwing me off.
I shook my head. “No.”
“She always claimed that I would look down and smile whenever I told an untruth. I didn’t believe her. Who would smile when they lied?”
“Good question,” I murmured.
“But then I started to pay attention, and she was right. Every time I lied, I looked down and felt my lips curving upward. It wasn’t a large smile, but she was right.” He grinned then as he drew a finger over the sheet, idly tracing a shape. “Of course, since I learned that she was right, I’ve managed to stop doing it. But she could never tell when Fabian lied. Used to irritate the hell out of me.”
Unable to pretend that I was disinterested, I said, “Fabian has never struck me as the type who lies a lot.”
He snorted. “Fabian lied about finishing his studying or where he was when he was supposed to be training or whatever. He lied as much as I did, but it was never anything harmful.”
“Were any of your lies harmful?”
“Only one.” His gaze lifted to mine. “But that was a long time after I learned to conceal a lie, and it wasn’t all that long ago.”
I thought about when he told me that what had happened between us hadn’t been real. My stomach churned as all those terrible, sticky feelings came surging back. And now I was doing the same to him.
“My mother would be so incredibly disappointed to learn how good at lying I’ve become,” he commented.
I dared a quick peek at him. “What happened to your mother? And father?”
“They died during the war with the Winter Court,” he answered, his voice tinged with sorrow.
“I’m sorry.”
“Thank you, but they died fighting for their people. I know both took great honor in that, and I take solace.” He trailed off, shaking his head.
“What?”
“I shouldn’t even admit this. It shows how incredibly selfish I can be, but I…I take solace in the fact that neither my father nor my mother was alive to see what became of me.”
Sympathy squeezed my heart. “What became of you wasn’t your fault. You were under the Queen’s curse. I don’t think your parents would hold what you did while under her control against you.”
“They wouldn’t have.” His eyes met mine. “And that makes it all harder to comprehend.”
“I can understand that,” I whispered.
He was quiet for several moments. “You look so tired,” he said. I didn’t take offense. “Have you been having nightmares?”
“Tonight was the first,” I admitted. “And I haven’t had any more hallucinations.”
“It’s no surprise that you have nightmares. I have them.” There was truth in his eyes when my gaze lifted to his. “Let me stay with you tonight. I know nightmares won’t find either of us tonight if we’re together.”
My lips parted. “Caden—”
“Let me lay beside you so both of us can sleep peacefully. That’s all I want. No expectations. No conversations,” he said—pleaded, really. “Let me be here for you tonight.”
I knew I needed to say no. This had bad idea written all over it, even if all