that he had to be with me no matter what. Instead he just let it go.” Her eyes looked for Faye's and then held fast. “He let me go. Now I have to let him go.”
“That's not easy. You've expected a lot of him for a long time.”
“Too long. And he let me down.”
“How does that make you feel about yourself?”
“Okay, I guess. I'm mad at him, not at me.”
“You're not angry at yourself anymore for your deal with his mother?” Faye was pressing a tender area and she knew it, but the ground had to be covered.
“I had no choice.” The voice was cool and hard.
“But you don't reproach yourself?”
“Why should I? Do you suppose Michael reproaches himself that he let me down? That he never bothered to come to me after the accident? Do you think it's given him sleepless nights?”
“Is it still giving you sleepless nights, Nancy? That's what interests me.”
“Marie, damn it. And no, it's not. I decided to put the dreams away. I've lived with this nonsense for too long.” She sounded convincing, but Faye was still not entirely sure how the girl felt.
“So now what?” What would take Michael's place? Or who? Peter?
“Now I work. First, I take a vacation in the South-west, over the Christmas holiday. There are some beautiful areas I want to photograph. I've already made my plans. Arizona, New Mexico. I might fly into Mexico for a couple of days.” She looked pleased as she said it, but there was still something hard in her face, masking something sad. She had had another loss. She had finally let herself lose Michael. It had taken a very long time. “I'll be gone for about three weeks. That ought to take care of the holidays pretty nicely.”
“And then what?”
“Work, work, and more work. That's all I care about right now. Peter got the show all set up for me. It's going to be in January. And you'd better be there!”
Faye smiled. “You don't think I'd miss it, do you?”
“I hope not. I've picked out some work for the show that I really love. You haven't seen most of it, nor has Peter. I hope he likes it too.”
“He will. He loves everything you do. Which brings up a question, Nan … sorry, Marie. What about Peter? How do you feel about all that?”
Marie sighed and then looked back into the fire. “Ifeel a lot of different things about Peter.”
“Do you love him?”
“In a way.”
“Could he ever replace Michael in your life?”
“Maybe. I keep trying to let him take Michael's place, but something stops me. I'm not ready. I don't know, Faye … I feel guilty not to be giving him more. He does so much for me. And … I know how much he cares.”
“He's a very patient man.”
“Maybe too patient. I'm afraid to hurt him.” She looked into Faye's eyes again, and her own were troubled. “I care about him a great deal.”
“Then you'll just have to see what happens. Maybe you'll feel freer now that you've decided to let Michael go out of your life.” Faye saw the muscles tighten around Marie's mouth as she heard the words. “Marie? You're not giving up on people are you? Giving up on love?”
“No. Why should I?” But the answer was too quick and too glib.
“You shouldn't. Michael failed you. He's one man, not all men. Don't forget that. There's someone out there for you. Maybe Peter, maybe someone else. But there's someone. You're a beautiful girl, and you're twenty-three years old. You have a whole life ahead of you.”
“That's what Peter says, too.” But she didn't look as though she believed it. And then she looked up at Faye with a nervous little smile that masked both fear and sorrow. “I made another decision, too.”
“And what's that?”
“About us. I think I've about done it, Faye. I've said all I want to for a while. I'm ready to go out there, work my ass off, and beat the world.”
“Why not just enjoy it?” There was something about the girl that still worried her. She had given up on something. There was something she no longer believed in. She had been betrayed, and in a sense she was quitting. She was ready to fight for her work, but not for herself. “You've been given a wonderful gift, Marie. The gift of beauty. Don't just hide that behind a camera.”
But Marie was looking at her with marble-hard eyes. “It wasn't a gift, Faye. I paid