She was probably picturing our wedding, already naming our children.
As if to confirm this, she settled back in her chair, folded her hands on her lap and said, “So, Alek, tell me more about where you think our girl is going with all this hard work she’s been putting in. Getting any information from her is like pulling her teeth. What do you think?”
Alek chuckled but didn’t correct her on the phrasing of the idiom. He was far too polite a man to do so. Instead, he settled his hip against the desk where he’d splayed me bare and fell into conversation with my grandmother.
While they talked about ballet in general, as well as my chances at reclaiming the title of prima ballerina, I sat back in my chair with a smile on my face. This was the sort of thing I’d always wanted in my life. A strong family around me. I had only ever really had my grandmother as she’d lost her husband in the Soviet-Afghan war before I was born. My father had never been in the picture and because of that, I wanted more for myself. I wanted a husband who loved my grandmother, kids running around the place, noise, chaos, and fun. Much as I had tried not to think too much about that picture of perfection for a very long time, it was floating back to the surface right now, with Alek at the front and center of that dream.
Of course, that vision had dimmed significantly with the appearance of a ghost from my past.
Ghost? No, Clara, a ghost might haunt your nightmares, but you awaken. Don’t attempt to fool yourself into thinking Nikolai isn’t flesh and blood.
As much as I hated it, the voice was right. What the hell had I been thinking? I couldn’t even begin to imagine a true future with Alek when I had yet to truly be free of a past that could destroy every dream I had. For all I knew, there was a shiny silver car outside, the driver watching… waiting for the right moment to swoop in and teach me another lesson.
“We better get going.” When both of them turned to me, I realized my words had come out far more clipped and desperate sounding than I’d meant. “I’m sorry, it’s just that it’s Friday night, and you know how crowded Johnny Reds will be…”
Thankfully, my grandmother saved me from making a complete fool of myself. Smiling, she looked up at Alek. “My granddaughter is taking me out for dinner. Not going to miss a chance at stuffing myself on their famous cheddar biscuits. They aren’t anywhere near as good as your Pavlova, but they are a close second. It was lovely to see you again, Alek.”
“The pleasure is all mine, Babka. Next time, I hope you can stay longer. I’d love to show you the rest of the theater,” Alek said, straightening and offering her his arm.
I watched, my heart actually hurting when I saw my fragile grandmother take it and slowly pull herself up out of the chair, but it also filled me with even more determination. She’d suffered enough and had carried burdens she didn’t deserve because of me. If it took my last breath, I was going to make damn sure Nikolai didn’t ruin the chance of my grandmother finally getting relief from her pain.
23
Clara
I’d like to say I didn’t look for a flash of sun against silver as we drove to the restaurant, but I’d be a liar. My gaze kept flicking from the rearview mirror to those on the sides of my car as I navigated the streets of Chicago.
When we got to the restaurant, and after I had ordered surf and turf we’d share as neither of us was capable of eating the entire thing by ourself, I picked up my glass of tea. For the first time in a long while, I sincerely wished the dark liquid in my glass was the best whiskey the restaurant offered. It wasn’t my old buddy Jack, but it would have to do.
“A toast for being so irresistible they couldn’t possibly do their trial without you,” I said with a smile, determined not to ruin the evening.
“Probably helped that I told them I had a famous granddaughter who had connections,” she said.
The mouthful of tea I’d just taken went down the wrong pipe. I tried to draw breath, but only was able to wheeze, panic flooding through me. Before I knew what