ties to my parents, gone. I felt myself sinking. Breathing became difficult.
I was aware that Guy had not left the room – that he watched over me. After sinking and sinking and sinking some more, I realized I could no longer feel anything. I was just hollow, empty, gone. I needed to fill the void, to feel something other than the emptiness and the suffocating pressure on my chest.
I listened to Guy breathe: inhale – exhale – inhale – exhale. He sat next to me on the bed and held my hand. He kept me tethered to the world. I began to breathe in sync with him. It released some of the pressure. Scott said I could trust him. April suggested that I should seriously consider him. Even Guy had talked about trust.
I kept my eyes closed, pulled my hand away from his and reached out to caress his thigh. I willed him to lie down next to me, to gather me into his arms, to make me feel something.
When he didn’t respond, I opened my eyes and looked deeply into his. I wanted to sink into that sea of blue rather than into the blackness that surrounded me. I wanted to leave this world behind, if only for a little while. I stretched my hand toward his face and cupped his cheek, rough with stubble. Couldn’t he understand what I needed? Didn’t he want to help me?
He stood and backed away. I let my hand drop and just looked at him. I’m wrong. He doesn’t want me. He turned and walked away.
-Guy-
A Decision
No, not like this. Not tonight and not as an act of desperation. I was shaking, but I refused to do something we would both regret.
I walked into the bathroom, closed the door behind me and leaned against it for support. When the shaking subsided, I walked over to the sink and turned on the faucet. The background noise helped me think. I leaned forward and gazed into the mirror until I’d made a decision.
I’ll give Keira a place to stay for as long as she needs. Not here. One of the safe houses will be fine. I’ll be there for her. We’ll take it slow. She’s loyal and trustworthy, Scott said. Maybe soon, I can trust her with more.
When I returned to the bedroom, she was already gone.
-Keira-
On the Run
Guy left. He shut me out. I sat up and pulled my knees under my chin. What does he want from me? What does he expect? I knew he wanted my help with the Resistance, so he must value my skills. He’d asked me all those questions, made me think about changing my ways. Didn’t that mean he cared for me?
Who was I kidding? I didn’t even believe in love. I was crazy to have thought he might want more.
It didn’t matter. I could take care of myself. I was back in control. I had to be, and I knew I couldn’t stay here. I needed to figure out my next move and get back on my own two feet. Where would I live now? I would have to pick up the pieces of my life and begin again. There, that was the answer. I would go back to the beginning and begin again.
My high heels swung at my side as I began a barefooted trek toward Tony’s, a bar I knew well from my earliest days of living on the streets. Darkness sifted down from unlit streetlamps. When I spotted the familiar windows lit with candles, I hesitated. Did I really want to go down this path? I took a deep breath. Yes, right now I needed familiarity and a place to hide. Here, I knew what to expect, and I knew what would be expected of me.
I opened the door and made my way inside, into a roomful of people who had nowhere else to go. I scanned the crowd until I spotted him. Cole sat at a corner table intent on some playing cards. A red pillar candle lit the players’ faces. Cole wasn’t the first person I’d stayed with back then. I’d met him a few months later.
I slipped behind him and gently placed my hands on his shoulders. The men across the table grinned in my direction, their poker chips momentarily forgotten. Greed reflected clearly in their eyes. As they looked me up and down, I became intensely aware of my short caterer’s skirt. The women at the table regarded me with