The sound of Gavin’s jeans unzipping felt like the whistle of a tea kettle. Things were definitely about to boil over.
I called him again. This time, more purposefully. “Gavin.” Wiggling out from under his embrace, I was able to eke out what was on my mind. He ran his hands through his hair and appeared utterly frustrated by the interruption. I watched as the hairs fell back into place like little soldiers. “Not here. I’m sorry.”
“Where, in the closet?” He took uneven breaths.
I closed my robe, then zipped his pants. “No, I just don’t think this … the timing. Can we just wait?”
“Jesus, Grace! You still don’t trust me?” His voice was elevated as he flew into the bedroom, which was completely unnecessary, as he did have feet.
I followed him even though I knew I would be crying shortly.
“Gavin, I do trust you. I just need more time. It’s different for humans.” I clenched my teeth, holding back tears.
“Which is it, Grace? Human or angel? Which is it today?” he spat back at me. I flinched as he slammed his mind shut to me, then turned the knob of the door to leave.
“Gavin, please, I love you. I love you more than my own life,” I said, without knowing I was going to say that, or that I had even felt that way.
Gavin turned to look at me, his face expressionless. “Grow up, Archangel!”
I flinched again at the harshness of his words. It was as if he’d slapped me. I crumbled to the floor, crying so deeply that my entire body hurt. Everything I’d ever heard about humans sleeping with angels nearly crushed the breath from me. It felt as if someone was squeezing my heart while pushing me into the floor with a boulder. I didn’t want to die.
Sickness settled into my stomach, and I felt as if I might vomit. Gavin did not touch or try to comfort me. Not then. Despite his lack of experience dealing with human emotions, he had to have known he was hurting me. He did watch TV.
After a few minutes, more unexpected words escaped before I could stop them or take them back. “Maybe I should just go. I can’t believe I thought coming here was a good idea.”
“You’re not going anywhere.” There was a hint of arrogance in his voice.
A bit shaky and unsteady, my attempt to stand was not nearly as graceful as I had planned. Gavin was by my side before I could wobble a second time. He placed me on the bed, where my legs dangled, listlessly.
“You need to rest.” He turned for the door.
“Please don’t leave me,” I whispered through tears and trembling lips.
“Grace, I would never leave you.” He turned back. “I was going to get you some tea.” He got down on both knees and put his head on my lap. I stroked his hair. “I’m sorry if my words hurt you. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
He looked up at me with those eyes, and I could have sworn they were wet. I touched his face. “I’m just no good at this.”
“It’s hard for me too. Seeing you like this, so … human and detached. We are all connected. At least we’re supposed to be. He made us that way. You should have recognized this. You should have recognized me.” Gavin paused to let it sink in.
It was as if Gavin was resting for the first time in a long while. He seemed vulnerable then, as he wrapped his arms around my legs.
Something occurred to me that set me on edge. I gasped, then jumped, which made Gavin jump.
“Then I must know Lucifer, right? If we’re all connected, like you said.”
“What?” Gavin jumped as if I’d poked him with a nightstick. There was a lot of jumping going on.
“Lucifer. You know, first Fallen angel, likes to parade around as a snake sometimes, idiots dress up like him on Halloween carrying a pitchfork, gonna fight Michael in the great battle and try to take over The Divine One’s throne, blah, blah, blah.” I’d nearly forgotten why Gavin and I were fighting.
“Oh.” Gavin sighed, then slumped, as if Lucifer wasn’t worth jumping over. “He lives downstairs,” Gavin mumbled. He looked away and put his head back down.
“Really?” I nearly peed myself. “Lucifer lives downstairs.” It’s just not the kind of thing you expected to hear in your lifetime.
“Yes.” Gavin stood, then raked his hair with his hand. “He doesn’t like to draw