future.
My future has been mine and mine alone to control. Now I want to do everything in my power to make sure Zach’s a part of it. No matter how hard long distance will be.
“How was New York?” he asks as we get on the road.
“I pretty much told you everything already.”
He’d listened and been enthusiastically happy for me, but now I’m wondering if that was forced too.
It might have been that I was feeling so high over signing with an agent that I wasn’t paying complete attention to how Zach was taking the news.
Damon listened to what I want and was optimistic. I told him I’m interested in any contract that will be offered, but that I’d love to stick close to home. East Coast if possible. Damon believes he can get me that but has also told me to be realistic in the sense an NHL contract is an NHL contract, no matter where it is.
All I have to do now is put my head down and work my ass off to impress NHL scouts. Prove that any and every team will want me.
“Are you excited?” Zach asks.
“I’ll be excited once I have a contract. An agent is only the beginning.”
“What’s your ultimate dream team?”
“New York would be cool. It’s farther than I’d like, but Ollie Stromberg plays for them.”
“I have no idea who that is.”
I snort. “One of the first out players in the NHL. My agent represents him too, and I dunno … not being the only queer guy on a team would be nice. If not New York, I’d kill to play for Boston. I grew up rooting for them, so that would be awesome.”
A small smile breaks through on Zach’s face. “It’s also only three and a half hours away.”
“You could come down on weekends when I don’t have games.”
Zach shifts in his seat and looks out the window. “You’d want that?”
“Fuck yes.”
“Wow. No hesitation. Okay.”
“Are you doing that thing again?” I glance at him before needing to turn my focus back to the road.
They’re slick and dangerous from last night’s snowfall. I want to pull over to have this conversation, but we’re almost home.
“What thing?”
“Where you’re making assumptions about us without talking to me?”
“M-maybe?”
I pull onto my parents’ street and bite my lip to stop from getting into this until we’re parked in the drive.
The second I kill the engine, I turn to him.
“So, what’s the assumption? That as soon as I sign with the NHL, that’s it for us?”
“I don’t know? Maybe? You’ll always be you, and I’ll always be … me.”
“I have absolutely no clue what that means.”
He eyes me. “You’re mad again.”
“No shit.”
“The NHL includes a certain … lifestyle. I don’t want to hold you back.”
“Lifestyle?” I frown.
“Puck bunnies. I read about them.”
I rub my hand over my face and groan. “Are we really arguing about a possible future where I might fuck some random person because you’ll be in Vermont and I won’t be?”
“No! I’m not implying if you weren’t with me that you’d cheat. More … that if you go into the NHL with baggage, that it might hold you back from getting the full experience. I’m not … I’m not suited for that life. Could you imagine me in some team box talking to people about hockey? They’ll probably kick me out for calling the puck a disc. A goal a touchdown. A period an inning.”
“Aww, you learned the correct terms for me?”
“I’m serious. I’ll get nervous and say something stupid, and then all your new hockey teammates will lose respect for you.”
“You think I care about that? If I wanted someone obsessed with hockey, you would not be my boyfriend. Just saying.”
“I … I …” His mouth opens and closes fast.
“You need to understand something. You know how you get so lost when you’re reading and studying and focusing on the thing that interests you? A week can go by, and you don’t even notice. The first few years, I’m going to be working so hard on my game I probably won’t even have the energy to do anything but focus on securing a long-term spot on a team. It’s unpredictable. I might have the crappiest rookie year and get sent down to the AHL for training. I might not gel with a team and get traded. Hell, I might not even get signed at this point. Anything could happen, and I don’t know why we’re talking about this now when it’s months away.”
He lowers his