at the same time.
I turned and walked back to the cottage. Steele waited for me, beer in hand. I gladly took it, and we sat on the deck chairs in silence. I leaned my head back and gazed at the stars overhead and recalled one clear night not that long ago when Lanie and I had sat on a bench near the Seattle waterfront and done just this.
Steele was a poor replacement for Lanie when it came to stargazing.
She’d pointed out one star and given me a rare glimpse of her childhood. She stargazed often with her father late at night when she’d been a young girl. He’d pointed to the star at the end of the Big Dipper’s handle and declared its name was Lanie’s Star. I didn’t have a fucking clue what that star was really called and never bothered to look it up. As far as I was concerned, it was Lanie’s Star and the one next to it was my star.
I’d never told her that I’d come to think of the star next to hers as mine because that’d bind us together forever. I hadn’t been willing to go that far back in the early days of our relationship. Now I might be.
We were on the precipice of a full-blown relationship. So far, I’d jumped off the deep end, forgotten my life jacket, and was swimming toward an island paradise, unmindful of the sharks infesting the waters ahead.
Life was scary as shit and twice as wonderful. Lanie had to decide if a life with love and freedom was worth the risk. I had to figure out how to keep her safe to the best of my ability.
“Am I being selfish by wanting her to choose freedom?” I mused out loud and jumped at the sound of my own voice.
“Maybe. A little. But a guy can’t help furthering his own agenda. You’re only human.”
“What would you do?”
“I’d let her choose whatever she wanted and support her as best I could.”
“Of course you would because you’re noble. I’m not.”
“You’re more noble than you give yourself credit for. Listen…” Steele sat up straighter and gave me one of his direct gazes, indicating he was about to impart more information than he usually did. “I’m not one to talk. I’ve known you most of your hockey career. We’ve played on the same teams or against each other. You were the horndog of all horndogs. Last fall, you turned into a different guy. You weren’t hooking up with random women. You still partied on road trips, but you went back to your hotel alone. Given the odd nature of your relationship with Delaney, it would’ve been easy to maintain other relationships on the side, but you didn’t. You were all in from day one.”
“And you know this how?” Irritation seeped into my voice.
“I watch. I listen. I’m an observer, and I don’t miss much. I can’t believe I have to tell you that.”
“You don’t,” I conceded.
“You have something special with Delaney, something rare and worth fighting for. Her decision is whether or not putting her life in possible mortal danger is worth the risk of having all those things she’s been denied for a year.”
“What if I’m not enough?”
Steele narrowed his gaze and cocked his head at me. “What?”
“She had a good life in DC. She was following her life’s calling. Who am I to stand in her way? Even if she chooses freedom, she might not choose me.”
“Oh, I didn’t know.” His sympathetic grimace choked me up, and I looked away before I did something stupid like shed a tear or two.
“We love each other,” I blurted out.
“Star-crossed lovers are all through history.”
“We’re not star-crossed. We’re star adjacent.”
He frowned at me in confusion, and I chose not to elaborate, secretly applauding my small victory of getting one up on a guy who was usually a step ahead of everyone else.
I grinned with mock innocence, and Steele glowered at me. “Asshole,” he said.
I laughed in spite of my stomach being tied in knots. I’d gotten her back only to lose her again, at least for a few days, possibly for a lifetime, no matter her choice.
“Do you really think your idea might work?” I regarded Steele hopefully, waiting to hear words of encouragement, perhaps some hint his mother was a miracle worker.
Steele’s gray eyes met mine, and my stomach dropped to my toes. He didn’t know any more than I did. This was a shot in the dark, a gamble where