do. That’s why they wanted out.”
She could certainly understand that. And knowing what she knew now, she could definitely see why Jamie was hurting so terribly badly. Losing a friend would be hard enough, but feeling responsible, then having that friend die in your arms…She couldn’t imagine. But she didn’t have to because she could feel it emanating off of him.
“Thanks for telling me, Gramps. I, uh…” She scrubbed a hand over her face. “That, uh…That explains a lot.”
“Keep me updated, would you?” the Colonel asked.
“I will,” Audrey promised. She said goodbye, disconnected and then absently rubbed Moses’ head, and continued to consider everything she’d just learned. Poor Jamie, Audrey thought, wincing for him. No wonder he was so closed-mouthed about all of it. Not only was it very private, but also, talking about it no doubt conjured images he’d just as soon forget. The trouble with that, though, was that he’d never forget. He might learn to deal with it—to cope, even—but the memories would always be there.
In fact, according to a recent study, memories in times of trauma were essentially hard-wired into the brain due to the additional adrenaline pumping through a person’s body. Modern medicine was currently researching a pill which would ultimately help make traumatic memories fade. According to several well-known doctors, veterans, victims of horrific crimes such as rape and murder, would particularly benefit from it. Audrey let go a breath.
Unfortunately, there was no such magic pill yet for Jamie and he was simply going to have to learn to cope the old-fashioned way. She still felt guilty about asking her grandfather for that information, but she was glad that she did. It was easier to find something if you knew what you were looking for.
And she could start looking immediately, because Jamie would be here any minute now with his whiskey in tow. Despite everything she’d just found out, Audrey felt a half-hearted grin tease her lips. A miserable anxious laugh bubbled up her throat. Sweet Lord, what had she gotten herself into?
I’ll share my whiskey…and you can give me a massage.
No doubt getting a buzz would help take the edge off the thought of putting her hands on him—just thinking about it made a quaking shiver rattle her belly—but she just hoped it didn’t take the edge off too much. Oh, who the hell was she kidding? If he so much as crooked his little finger, she’d leap on him like a wild woman and he’d have a hell of a time getting her off.
They’d followed their basket-weaving lesson this morning with an amiable horseback ride around the lake, then had shared a late lunch in the lodge. Afterwards, Jamie had wanted to check out the gym and they’d spent the rest of the afternoon working out. Or rather, she had pretended to work out, and had watched him instead.
Mercy.
Watching Jamie Flanagan work out was like watching poetry in motion. He was efficient and methodical, like a well-oiled machine. He alternated time between the free weights and various machines, and by the time he’d finished, he’d been hot and sweaty, every muscle pumped and in beautiful form. Audrey sighed and bit her lip, remembering.
Ordinarily hot and sweaty didn’t do it for her, but the entire time she’d watched him, she’d been muddled and warm, and hit with the inexplicable urge to lick him all over. The side of his neck, the V between his shoulder blades. She wanted to taste his skin, feel those muscles play beneath her fingertips. He might have been the one to work up a sweat, but she’d been the one on fire.
He knew it, too, the cocky jerk.
To her immense mortification, he’d caught her staring at him too often to even consider trying to be anything but a total wreck. He’d grinned, the wretch, then had pinned her to a mirror when no one was looking and kissed the hell out of her.
It was at that point that Audrey had come to a decision. Tewanda was right—she did want him. More than she’d ever wanted anybody and with an intensity that shook her to the very core. And Carlos had been right as well—what had being cautious ever done for her? Her entire life had been about helping others, pleasing others. With the exception of going to the college of her choosing and ultimately taking a risk on Unwind, what had she ever done strictly for herself? The answer was sobering.
Nothing.
She could list a dozen reasons she shouldn’t