unconvinced. Pushing the bottle of delish pickled cucumbers away in disgust. I take a step back from the counter and take a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart. “Go take the test. You’re right, it is probably nothing, but wouldn’t it be better to know for certain? I mean, it doesn’t hurt to check.”
Tears start running down my face as I connect the dots. Vomiting, my body temperature feeling like it’s an inferno, how tired I’ve been, and now my crazy eating habits. I angrily wipe my face with the back of my hands, fearing what’s going to happen when I pee on that damn stick.
“What’s Bull going to do? What if … what if it’s all too much and this is the tipping point that pushes him over the edge? I mean, he’s already having a baby to a different fucking woman, for Christ’s sake. This is all too much. Fuck. FUCK. Just perfect. Another baby to another daddy.” My eyes widen in horror as I look at Zoey. “He’s going to leave me. Oh my, God. What if he leaves me? I can’t do another baby on my own.”
“I think you need to calm down,” Zoey says, stepping into me and putting her hands on my shoulders. “I can tell you're freaking out right now, but it is going to be okay. We’re going to be okay.”
Zoey leads me into the bedroom and the closer I get to the test sitting in my top drawer, the more anxious I become. “I feel like I’m going to be sick.” I groan. “Maybe I should eat first. Yes, that’s what I need to do; eat.”
“Eating is the last thing you need right now. Stop being a fucking pussy and pee on the goddamn stick. I’m going to wait right here,” she explains as she gives me one last shove in the direction of the bathroom.
Walking to the drawers that hold the test feels like I’m walking with cement blocks attached to my feet. I grab the little box and try to tear into the packaging as the sounds of Queen Elsa singing ‘Let it Go’ comes streaming from the living room. Naturally, Zoey can’t help herself and sings along while giving me the cheesiest smirk I’ve ever seen.
“Are you kidding me?” I grumble flatly.
“What? I love this song.”
I shake my head. “I know what you’re doing.”
“Yeah,” she grins wickedly. “And is it working?”
I roll my eyes and give in. “A little.”
“Alright, that’s great. Now, hurry the fuck up. We don’t have much longer before this movie ends.”
Zoey shoos her hands at me, and I reluctantly take myself into the bathroom. I drop my pants to my ankles and sit down as I hurry to open the packaging. If I pee before I get this damn thing open, it would just be my luck.
Somehow, I manage to get through the next few steps without making a mess or getting pee all over my hands. Before I know it, I’m capping the lid of the test and laying it on the vanity while taking a deep breath.
This is it.
Two minutes. Two minutes and my entire life could change irrevocably.
I don’t know if I’m ready. I don’t know if the girls are ready, but good God, if this comes back positive, they are going to be so excited.
My mind drifts to Bull, what will he say and how will he react. We have only been together for two seconds, and with everything happening in his life already ...
God, what the fuck have I done?
A light tapping at the door snaps me out of my mental freak out. “Yeah?” I call through the hardwood door.
“What are you doing? Can I come in? You’ve been in there for ten minutes already. I was getting ready to talk you off the cliff, but I’m guessing it’s not the results you were after?”
“Come in,” I say as I finish up and flush the toilet.
Zoey opens the door and comes in before leaning up against the wall. “I haven’t checked yet,” I explain. “I didn’t realize it had been that long.”
“I thought so. Do you want me to check it for you?” she asks, indicating to the test that holds all the world’s problems as I sit back down on the toilet seat with my head in my hands.
“In all honesty, what do you want this test to say?”
A soft smile drifts across my face as I imagine a tiny little bundle with my girls’ blonde