for that matter.
It isn’t a life people dream about. The money, the fame, sure, but not the reality of it. Gone more often than not, ready to pick up your life and move any time you’re traded... it’s a lonely life for a significant other. Or so Tara tells me. She’s super into those reality TV shows about NBA players’ wives. Keeping someone else happy was never my concern. Selfish or not, I’ve worked hard to make my dreams a reality. But now… I wonder if Sydney could see herself living like that?
But it’s the last summer of fun and I’m no more anxious to answer that question than I am to decide my own future.
Back at the house, Sydney heads for her room instead of mine. “I’m going to shower and change.”
“All right. I’ll leave the door open if you want to come back and cuddle.”
Stepping back to me, she presses her mouth to mine kissing me and then pulling back but letting her lips linger close. “Thank you for tonight. I had a great time.”
“Me too, babe. Always.”
She closes the door behind her as she goes. In my room, I flop onto the bed and lay on my back. I kick off my shoes and continue to stare up at the ceiling in the dark.
Restless. Anxious. Frustrated.
I can handle the emotions, but now I wonder if Jonah’s onto something. Feeding my regret of the past by holding back in the present, what good does that do? I fucked-up years ago and there’s nothing I can do to change that, but I can show her now.
Fuck. I move to a stand so quick I get a little lightheaded. My legs eat up the space between our rooms. I knock hoping she’ll hear me over the shower. “Syd?”
“One minute.”
I can hear her rustling around in the bedroom so she’s definitely not in the shower yet. I don’t really have a plan. Fuck her senseless. It’s a good start anyway.
When she opens the door, it’s only a crack and I can tell immediately something’s going on. The uneasiness is written all over her pretty face. “What’s up?”
“Is everything okay?” I try to see past her.
“Yeah, um…” She rolls her bottom lip behind her teeth.
“Babe?”
Her grip on the door lessens and I push it open. The room is lit with candles—ones I’m pretty sure go in the bathroom. My mom has them sprinkled all over this place. Her feet are bare, but she’s still in the dress she wore out. She holds a deck of cards in her hands. “I wanted to surprise you. Listen, I know you have a plan for our first five dates—”
“Change of plans.”
19
Sydney
My mouth opens on a yelp that Tanner catches with his tongue. With no warmup or pretense, this kiss is hard and demanding and makes his intentions clear. Or maybe I’m just being hopeful.
His hands slide down my back and dip below my butt, and he hoists me up into his arms. I wrap my legs around him, and he walks us back to the bed. He lays me down gently, never breaking the kiss.
I don’t know what changed tonight, but I’m beyond ready. I want him. I’ve wanted him for two years—no even before that—but now I want him in all the same ways plus a million ways I never imagined before this time together at the lake.
With greedy fingers, I fumble for the hem of his T-shirt and lift. He stops only long enough to let me pull it over his head. I toss it and his mouth slams back down on mine. His skin is warm to the touch and I glide my palms over his hard muscles. Tanner has the kind of body that demands attention and respect. I give it both.
Excitement and nerves, the sheer gravity of what’s happening makes my breaths come too fast.
“Air,” I choke out. “Oh my god, I just got really nervous. We’re going to do this, aren’t we?”
He stops, those dark blue eyes stare down at me. “Do you not want to?”
I scramble to sit up, and he sits back on his feet.
“No, I do. I so do. It’s just… what if it’s bad? Or it’s so good we never leave this bed again? Or the rumor is true and you’re so big that it’s not physically possible for us to consummate?”
He shakes with laughter. “Consummate?”
“It’s a word!”
Tanner tries and fails to stop laughing. He clears his throat a few times and finally gets himself