and trying to think of ways to help me, but all I can think is that she’s gonna die. My sweet little Mena Jane will be taken from me, and I can’t handle it. It’s like I have this weight on my chest and I’m struggling to breathe, to get out from underneath it to save her. I don’t know what to do. I won’t leave her and I won’t take her anywhere because I’m so scared. I just don’t know what to do. People call all the time to come and visit, and I make up excuse after excuse. Half the time I don’t even answer the phone. I’m a train wreck, and I don’t know how to make it better.”
She started to sob and Jordie couldn’t take it. As much as he wanted to just hold Mena Jane, he knew that he needed to hold Lacey. Laying Mena Jane in the bassinet by the couch, he turned, taking Lacey in his arms, hugging her in close to his chest and almost squeezing her too hard. Snuggling her nose into his chest, she let out a sob that rattled his soul.
He hated when women cried; it always made him feel an inch tall. It used to kill him to watch him mom cry over all her failed marriages. It would make him so mad because he would want to rattle her, scream at her that she didn’t need anyone, that he was enough, but he never did. He just comforted her. Why he did, he still didn’t understand. She never loved him enough to just be good with only having him, but this was different. Lacey loved Jordie for Jordie. Maybe because she had to, but she did and that was enough to make him want to do anything to help her.
Kissing the top of her head, he fought back his own tears as she just sighed again, her eyes fluttering shut. She was exhausted. “When was the last time you slept the whole night?”
She shook her head under his lips. “I don’t even remember. I can’t sleep. I’m always worried something will happen.”
“Didn’t they prescribe you something for that?”
“They did,” she said with a nod. “But I’m so worried that I won’t wake up to tend to her and Karson is such a heavy sleeper. And I don’t want to depend on Kacey to care for her.”
“Okay, well, I’m here now,” he said, pulling her back by her shoulders so she could look up at him. “You depend on me. You’ve gone above and beyond to help me. Now let me help you. Take the meds tonight. Sleep, Lacey, you need it. Me and Mena will chill in the living room. I’ll sleep on the couch. Then tomorrow, I want you to take your anti-anxiety meds.”
Her brows pulled together, and he hadn’t noticed how bloodshot her poor eyes were. “Why? I’m—”
“Don’t say fine. We both know that’s not true. You need them.”
“But—”
“No, give them a chance. You need them, and I know Karson hasn’t said that to you or even Kacey ’cause they are worried about your feelings and they love you. And I love you too, but I won’t sugarcoat shit. You’re tiptoeing on the line between batshit crazy and sane. We both know you need them.”
Her lip wobbled a bit more, and then she nodded and sounded oh so defeated as she whispered, “I do.”
“You do.”
“I just feel so weak taking them. I should be strong for her.”
“But you can’t be. They can help you; everyone else can help you. Just take the help, Lacey.”
She nodded slowly. “Okay.”
“Okay,” he said with a triumphant smile. “Now go shower and take the meds. Sleep.”
She nodded again, looking toward where Mena Jane was sleeping. “Are you sure?”
His head fell to the side, holding her gaze. “Do you trust me?”
She didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”
“Then go.”
She nodded again and let go of him, heading for the hall that led to her room. When she turned, he smiled. “I’ll even clean,” he added with a wink.
She smiled, the first true smile since he had been there. “Payback’s a bitch, but thankfully those tissues are only full of snot and tears instead of dead little sperms.”
Jordie laughed, thinking of his very first interaction with Karson’s new wife. It was back when they were living in the apartment and Karson had been gone marrying Lacey, leaving Jordie alone with a stack of porn, some lotion, and a box of tissues. The aftermath of the