him, not that he was paying attention to her because Mena Jane had stolen all his interest. She really was a pretty baby. He usually said that about all babies to make the mommies happy, even though most of the time, those other babies came out looking like hairless rats. But this one, man, she was a gorgeous little thing. Tears stung his eyes as he looked her over, her little hand grasping his finger. He was her godfather. He got to love her for the rest of her life, and he never had to be all disciplinarian with her like her parents had to. He could be the cool dad, the one she could come to whenever she needed anything. The one who would kill anyone that hurt her. A huge, overwhelming feeling of protectiveness washed over him as she slowly opened her eyes, the same color as Kacey’s, and he vowed that no one would even come close to hurting her while on his watch.
Clearing her throat, Lacey said, “I do, but it’s still crazy hearing you say it.”
He looked over at her and shrugged. “It’s the truth.”
“So what’s your plan? Gonna try to get back with her?”
“If she’ll have me,” he said, finally looking over at her. He shrugged again, his eyes held hostage by her inquisitive ones. “I don’t deserve her though.”
“No, you don’t. Not after what you did,” she said, a little apprehension in her voice.
He nodded, completely in agreement with her. He knew good and well that he could see Kacey and she could tell him to fuck off. He deserved it, but unlike before, when he would have gone to get drunk and let her go, he wouldn’t let go this time. He was going to fight and he would get her back. No matter what. For the last ninety days, he’d gone over and over all the ways he planned to win her back. He even got some ideas from his buddies in rehab. He also had to come clean to Karson, which was going to be hard, but she was worth it. He needed her. It was that simple. He had already apologized to Karson, Lacey, and Karson’s family for all the wrong he’d done over the years, but Kacey would take more than a simple apology, he knew that.
“I was fucked up, Lacey, and I regret it every single day. You don’t need to remind me.”
“She’s still hurt,” she said, moving her hair out of her face. His heart cracked a bit, so he snuggled into Mena Jane for a little extra support.
“I know, but that also gives me hope. A little push that she still thinks of me.”
“But it doesn’t mean she won’t try to kill you.”
“She won’t,” he said with a grin. “She loved me at one time.”
“I think she still does,” she admitted and Jordie nodded, his heart pumping faster in his chest.
“That’s all well and good, and I pray to Jesus you’re right, Lacey, but that’s an issue I need to fix. Because only I can do it,” he said simply. “But enough about me. When was the last time you showered?”
She made a face. “Why?”
“Because you stink, and you have baby shit on your shirt along with something crusty and white in your hair. Since Karson isn’t home, I’m gonna guess it’s not what it should be, so you need a shower.”
He said it to make her laugh, but she wasn’t laughing. Instead, her lips pressed together as her eyes started to fill with tears and he shook his head. “What the hell is going on, Lacey? I’ve never seen you like this.”
She looked away sheepishly as he turned to look at the disaster that was her living room. Tissues were everywhere, dirty diapers, little circle pads, bottles of soda, and clothes littered the floor.
“You’re drinking Coke now?”
She was a clean eater, something she believed in since having breast cancer. She always told him, “You’ve got one body. Keep it healthy.” Apparently, she wasn’t living by that anymore.
She shrugged. “I guess. It keeps me awake.”
“Lacey, what’s going on?”
She looked up at him, tears rolling down her cheeks, and her little lip wobbled. His heart broke for her. He didn’t understand what she was feeling. Hell, no one probably did. This girl was fighting an internal battle that only people in the same boat with her would understand. It killed him, but he had to help.
“I’m scared twenty-four seven, Jordie. I know Karson is freaking out