she stared at him intently, noticeably chewing her food a little slower now.
“I don’t like the term, but it is what it is. She died from popping too many prescription pills. Only people I’ve ever known to take lethal doses were either addicts or suicidal. Either way, I’ve known a few addicts in my lifetime.” His insides balled up just thinking about it. “I hate to say it, but my boy is better off without her as far as I’m concerned.” She didn’t respond immediately as she continued to chew slowly, but there it was—the other thing he’d noticed about her from the very first day—those poignant eyes. Something in them felt so heavy. He knew she was going through something, but it felt too personal to ask her about it yet. This poignancy also felt different from when he’d seen her so emotional the first few times. Then it hit him. Maybe she, too, knew someone who’d died of an overdose or suicide. Maybe it’s why she seemed almost bothered by his statements.
“I know I’m making assumptions, Dani. Not everyone who pops pills is suicidal, and there are such things as legitimate accidental overdoses.” She was still staring at him, unresponsive as she picked up another fry and brought it to her mouth. So, he decided to share about the real reason he was still a little bitter. “I think it just pisses me off when I think about how much I was robbed of.” If he hadn’t begun to worry about possibly hitting a nerve and upsetting her, Orlando wouldn’t have been scrutinizing her eyes so closely and might have missed it. But her eyes went a bit wide at his last statement, and he took it as not understanding, so he explained, “Not only did I miss out on my son’s birth, but according to her death certificate, his mother died just six weeks after he was born. Whoever cared for him between the time of her death and the day they dropped him off, should’ve come forward with him sooner.”
“Maybe . . .” she said softly as she wiped the baby’s hands, “they had good reason?”
“Not good enough,” Orlando responded right back. “Nothing will take from the fact that I’ll never get that time back with my son.” Those haunted eyes were back, and Orlando wondered if she’d even heard all he’d said since she seemed to be lost in thought now. Until she finally turned to him and responded to his comments.
“Growing up, when I’d made stupid adolescent mistakes, my mom would always tell me our eyes are in front of us for a reason.” She glanced away when the baby cooed, and she took his little hand and kissed it. “It’s better to look ahead than dwell on a past we can’t change.”
When she turned back to face him, Orlando smiled. “I think all moms must have the same book they pass around because my mom’s said a lot of very similar things to me too.” Deciding the mood had gotten a little heavy, and it was true it was high time he stopped dwelling, he decided to get back to something he wanted to clarify. “Anyway, getting back to Felicia, not to take anything from her, she’s been great. And it’s true. From the time when this all started, she did say she was fine with me suddenly being a single dad and she’d be there for me. But things between her and me were never serious to begin with. We sort of had this . . . understanding. I was already too busy with the shop to get caught up in anything serious. Then the baby happened and forget about it. My priorities flipped, leaving her even further down the list of what I needed to focus on. She knows this too. I’ve made it perfectly clear. If having time for a serious relationship before was a challenge, it’s even harder now. Hell,” he added, aware his laughter sounded nervous, but Dani was peering at him a bit strangely now and he wasn’t sure what it meant. “Just doing things like using the bathroom and taking a shower have become a challenge now.”
To his relief, Dani’s expression eased up, and she even smiled as she reached for another fry. “Maybe having a girlfriend around would be more convenient now than a challenge.”
Shaking his head immediately, Orlando wanted this to be clear. “I wouldn’t do that to her or to this little guy.