earlier. I hadn’t even been able to get him to eat, but that might have been because I tried pawning the soy cheese Navie bought when she insisted on stocking my fridge off on him. Even he wouldn’t eat it, not that I blamed him. I tried explaining to my soon-to-be sister that the stuff tasted like shit, but she had been on a kick about how Rowan and I weren’t getting any younger and we needed to start being mindful of what we ate.
In response, I went out and bought the biggest cheeseburger I’d ever eaten. And devoured the entire thing. With her watching in displeasure the whole time. Poor Rowan had to stick with a grilled chicken salad, the pussy-whipped asshole. But she wasn’t my fiancé, and I wasn’t the one at risk of being kicked out of my own bed, so I didn’t have to listen to her.
The dog let out a loud, broken sigh. I was pretty sure he’d been recalling what it was like to still have his manhood.
“Poor nut-less bastard,” I commiserated as I made my way over to him and hunched down so I could give the little guy a pet. “You’re not really so bad, are you?” I asked as my fingers stroked his silky fur. He sighed again and I hoped that one was from pleasure, not sorrow. “Yeah, you’re a pretty decent little rat/dog, aren’t ya buddy? I’m sorry your momma went and chopped your balls off. I can understand your pain.”
He lifted his head and gave my wrist a lick, and I couldn’t help but view that as a bonding moment between the two of us. Who’d have thought that I would actually feel sorry for the little shit who’d ruined a four-hundred-dollar pair of Italian loafers?
I scooped him off the ground and held him up to my face as gently as possible. “You might never be able to get laid again, but you can still pee standing up, little man. What do you say we go outside and take a piss like real men, huh?” His little tail wagged in agreement. Moving to cradle him in my arm, I grabbed my keys and phone and stuffed them in my pocket. “Yeah, let’s go show those bitches you’ve still got some pride…” I looked at the cone surrounding his head and smiled, “…even though you’re impersonating a satellite dish right now.”
Before I took him to the park a couple blocks down, I shot a text off to Delilah so she’d know where we were in case she got home before we did. When my phone vibrated with a response, I felt a level of excitement I hadn’t felt since I was a teenager and got my first chance to feel up a chick’s boobs.
Christ, could I be anymore pathetic? I shook the adolescent thoughts out of my head and took the rat/dog to do his business. I even cheered the little guy on when he attempted to sniff a passing Chihuahua’s butt. The owner apparently had a stick up her ass because she didn’t see the humor in it that I did.
“Oh come on. It’s not like he can do anything, bastard lost his balls the other day. Cut him some slack and let him sniff your dog’s ass. What’s the harm?”
I’m pretty sure she was just seconds away from pepper spraying me so I decided the best course of action was to get us both upstairs unscathed.
By the time I stepped off the elevator onto my floor with Shady secured in my arms, I was eager to go knock on my adorable little neighbor’s door. That was, until I heard an unfamiliar voice speak up from a few doors down.
“I want you back.”
My head shot up at the same time Shady let out a small growl. When I caught sight of some blond shithead standing way too close to Delilah for my liking, I felt my blood run hot. “The fuck he just say?” I growled to myself as I got closer.
I watched as she spun around and I could see the fire in her eyes behind those glasses from a distance. Then she spoke and I couldn’t help but smile. “Then you’ve obviously lost your damn mind, Brant.”
Brant. Is that the name of her loser ex? The fuck stick who cheated on her? I picked up the pace when he stepped even closer. I could hear the blood rushing through my ears. Something about a man getting