“Okay,” he said hesitantly. “Does this have something to do with the other date on your butterfly tattoo?”
Her eyes filled with tears, her heart pounding, as she nodded slowly.
He used his thumbs to swipe away the tears, but waited for her to continue patiently.
“I’ve been keeping a secret from you that you have a right to know.” She swallowed and sat back up. She couldn’t do this lying down. A hysterical bubble of laughter arose as she realized she’d automatically begun listing different positions of sitting in her head. No lists. She needed to face him and this truth.
She drew in a deep breath. “A few weeks after you left on your deployment, I discovered I was pregnant.”
She’d been looking at her hands, but now she hazarded a quick glance at him. Pure shock and pain radiated from his eyes, his body tense. “No one knew about you, or about us, so I didn’t tell anyone about it, but I was happy.” Her lip trembled and she wrapped her hands around her stomach to try to hold some of the hurt in. “I didn’t realize it, but it was an ectopic pregnancy. I lost the baby a few weeks after I found out about her, on April 6th.”
“That’s the other date on your back.” His voice was full of pain and emotion, as it cracked.
She nodded. “When I miscarried, my fallopian tube burst. I called my brother, Owen, and he got me to the hospital, but it was too late for the baby. They rushed me into emergency surgery, but the damage had been done. I can’t have babies anymore, Chris. I’m sorry. I should have told you before now, but I didn’t know how. I understand if you don’t want to see me anymore.” Tears spilled down her cheeks and she watched them fall onto her jeans.
His hand reached across and tucked under her chin. “Look at me, Butterfly.”
When she met his gaze, his eyes brimmed with tears, too. She began to sob and he pulled her into his embrace. “I’m so sorry.” He smoothed the back of her hair while he comforted her. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here and you had to go through that by yourself.” He pulled away from her to look her in the eye. The tears in his eyes silently slipped down his cheeks and she began to kiss him.
It was a kiss of shared hurt and shared loss and shared love. Julie knew this was the way it was supposed to be, her and Chris together.
After they made love, they lay on the blanket looking up into the cottonwoods with their hands entwined. Chris ran his hand up and down her bare arm, but then leaned up. “You said the baby was a girl. Isn’t that too early to tell?” Pain etched his features and furrowed his brow, but he’d just found out about Nalia so it was understandable that he wanted answers even if they hurt.
“Do you remember when I woke up in the hospital?”
He nodded.
“When I’d been asleep or whatever I was during that time, I saw Aaron.”
Chris nodded tentatively. “Yes, you said that.”
“What I didn’t tell you is that our little girl, Nalia, was with him.”
Chris’s muscles tensed, but Julie told him the rest of what happened when she saw Aaron and Nalia. When she finished, she was emotionally exhausted. Chris seemed close to the same, but something about their shared grief created a stronger bond between them. They made slow, beautiful love one more time beneath the falling cottonwood blossoms and to Julie, it seemed the perfect tribute to their baby girl and the man now taking care of her. Finally, they had full honesty between them. They could move forward now.
Chapter 35
Chris wrapped his hands around Julie’s waist and pulled her flush up against him, so he could whisper in her ear. “Why are you so nervous?”
They stood in front of Cassie and Jake’s house for dinner, but hadn’t knocked yet. Right now, he was more concerned about Julie. Ever since Cassie had called that afternoon to ask them to dinner, she’d been fidgety and he didn’t understand why. She didn’t answer him, so he turned her around. She was definitely nervous about something, but that didn’t make sense. Julie and Cassie were best friends.
“What’s going on, Butterfly?”
Julie glanced nervously at the house and then pulled Chris back to the truck. “Maybe we should wait to tell them about us.”