We’ll talk as long as you need today. I know this has been traumatic.” He gave her a kind smile. “But first, I want to know how this past week, before yesterday, has gone for you? Have you been able to limit your lists each day?”
Relief flooded her. She’d been so lucky to find this therapist. Already, he got her and her needs. She knew that she needed to talk about the events with Pete, but he was easing her into it in a methodical way that appealed to her OCD. Talking about her week chronologically was perfect.
“It’s gone well. Honestly, it’s gone better than I ever would have thought. Just by knowing what causes me to need to make the lists has made it so much easier to not need them. The past couple of days, I’ve even found myself saving my three lists for when I really need a list, like my grocery list, rather than using it as an emotional substitute.”
He smiled his approval. “Were there any stumbling blocks before yesterday?”
“I’ve made a concerted effort to work through some of the lingering emotional things that have been causing me to be stressed this week. I talked some things through with my sister, Rachel, about the events when we were kids. I also told my boyfriend about the miscarriage and resulting health problems because of that. Neither was easy, but I did it and didn’t go over my quota of lists on those days.”
“Good, good. You’ve done well and I’m so proud of you for that.” He beamed at her. “Now, we need to talk about the events of yesterday. And before we begin, I need to confess my part in yesterday’s events.”
Julie frowned at him. How in the world could Dr. Eckert have been involved with yesterday? “I’m sorry. I don’t think I understand.”
“I know you don’t and you need to know that normally, I wouldn’t share any of this with you. But Pete is dead and he didn’t leave any family, so nobody will be hurt by what I tell you. I’ve made a professional decision to tell you this, because I think it will help you understand, and also help you with your own recovery.” He shuffled a few papers on his desk as he seemed to gather his thoughts.
She tried to wait patiently, but was a little leery about what he was going to tell her. So far, she’d managed to shy away from the thought that her friend, a person she liked and trusted, had attacked her so viciously.
“You need to know that I started treating Pete a couple of months ago. He was referred to me by the police department because during an investigation, he discovered the body of a girl. Something about that discovery triggered a remembrance of a childhood trauma.”
“Jocelyn’s death,” she murmured.
Dr. Eckert’s eyebrows raised in question. “He told you about her?”
Julie nodded and swallowed hard. “Yes, yesterday. He kept confusing me with her. He’d call me her name and he would say things like my sacrifice would free her from her sadness.”
“Yes, I should have seen it, but I didn’t. Something about that girl’s death triggered memories and an obsession with Jocelyn’s death. Like your own trauma, Jocelyn died when Pete was too young to truly handle it. He was only fourteen and she was thirteen. He blamed himself for that tragic, horrific death. She was tortured and raped before finally killed.” Dr. Eckert took a deep breath.
“When he found the other girl, the details were similar enough to Jocelyn’s murder that he began to have dreams about Jocelyn. Her memory haunted him, because he never had the resources to deal with her death when it happened. Unfortunately, it was a ticking time bomb in his mind. I should have recognized it, but I didn’t and I’m so sorry for that. If I had, maybe you wouldn’t have gone through the events of yesterday and those other girls would have been saved.”
What could she say to this? It was a lot to take in at once on top of the trauma from the day before that she was also trying to deal with.
He laid down his pen and rubbed his forehead. “I’m not telling you this to make excuses for him or my treatment of him. I just think it’s important to know why it happened. Why his mental stability broke. Pete stopped coming to see me a few weeks ago and I’ve been worried for him, but