His kisses were more gentle now, infused with tenderness.
A huge knot of emotion lodged in her chest. She wanted him. Wanted Max Maitland more than anything else in the world.
She wanted him fiercely. Desperately. She wanted him to hold her heart and treasure it, not trash it like Isaac and Nonna and her mother had done. And she would hold and treasure his, if he offered it to her. If he could make that step. If she could.
After a few minutes she was able to speak. ‘That was the most amazing thing.’
‘Yeah. And so are you.’ He withdrew and wrapped her in his arms. ‘Come to bed. And this time you are not allowed to leave without me. No sneaking off. Promise?’
‘Promise. I’ll stay as long as you want.’ Forever?
He carried her through to the bedroom as if she were as light as candyfloss and fitted himself around her, pulling cool sheets over their spent bodies. She watched as his eyelids fluttered closed.
‘Don’t go to sleep just yet, Max,’ she whispered into the darkness. ‘Tell me about it.’
‘About what?’ His eyes remained closed but he snuggled in closer and rested his chin on her head.
‘Mitchell.’
‘Oh, you know. Same old, same old.’
She sighed. Was he hedging? Or did he truly not understand what she meant? The way she saw it, the only thing holding Max back from committing to anything was Mitch. And their tragic past. And she understood his reluctance to share his story. After all, history held her back, too. But she needed that connection with him. ‘I mean from the beginning. Tell me about the geography. What happened after your parents. . .went?’
Against her chest his heartbeat sped up. ‘It’s too long and too late.’
‘I won’t go to sleep until you talk. And you know I have that kind of willpower.’ She nudged him gently and wiggled round to face him. ‘You want to try me?’
‘No, I know what you’re capable of, scary nurse lady.’ He inhaled deeply, the hollows and slants of his face darker and more defined in the moonlit room. He was clearly filtering the information before he spoke.
He swallowed slowly, then began. ‘Okay, so after our parents died we were put in care. Just for a short while. We were distraught and a handful. And I mean a handful.’ He laughed sadly. ‘But we just didn’t understand what had happened. They weren’t coming back, the people kept telling us. What did that mean?’
She imagined the two boys, not much older than Jamie, vulnerable and scared, living in a stranger’s house. Tears pricked the backs of her eyes. ‘It must have been terrifying.’
‘Not as bad as then finding out we were going to live in separate homes.’
‘What? Why?’
His hand stroked her thigh, back and forth. Back and forth. The rhythm seemed to steady him. ‘My father had two brothers. Seems they were put in a difficult situation by the authorities-—someone had to take us. And pretty damned soon before we got too difficult and they couldn’t place us anywhere.
‘Our uncles had always argued, played the Maitland competitive games. Neither of them really wanted us and they couldn’t agree who’d take us both. So, as they couldn’t reach a happy compromise to keep us together, they agreed to take one each.’
‘That’s ridiculous.’
‘It is what it is.’
‘So you were grieving and then separated. Twins? It’s ludicrous.’
‘It was almost thirty years ago; things are different now. Back then it was about keeping the adults happy. No one thought about how we’d cope.’ He shuddered. It was obviously traumatic for him to talk about this—but it explained so much about him. How he kept parts of himself hidden from public view and wouldn’t even allow a private glimpse. Why he chose to flit from woman to woman instead of putting down roots. He didn’t know how. Probably too damned scared that every single person he formed an attachment to would leave him.
‘The worst thing I remember was being led away by Fred. I could hear Mitch calling for me. I wanted to run to him, to tell him that whatever happened I’d find him and we’d be together again. But I was too scared, they were adults and they were in charge. Fred wasn’t the type of man you messed with. And I was the older brother, I was supposed to look after Mitch. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop what they were doing. And I couldn’t bear to see the look on his face as I lost him,