chest rising and falling with heavy breaths, his lips trembling as he says, “I fucking care about you, Lynsey. I care about this baby. I’ve told you that countless times.”
“What you’re giving me is not enough.” I clutch my belly protectively, feeling like I need to hold this baby as I do this. “And it’s cruel to pretend it is.”
“I won’t let you go,” he growls, his jaw taut with barely contained emotion as his guard drops to reveal the broken, ruined man who hides inside. He releases my face and crosses his arms over his chest, blocking the door. His face is hard and raw and difficult to look at.
“You will let me go…what you won’t let go of is the past.” I inhale sharply through my nose, knowing that I have to hurt him to get him to see. I have to hurt him the way he’s hurt me. “If you actually care about me and this baby, you will let me leave because forcing me into a loveless life with you is just as bad as what happened to Julian.”
His face falls, and his eyes spill over with tears. “No.”
I push him aside easily, his face stricken with horror as I move past him, out the door and out of this fucked-up arrangement that I never should have agreed to in the first place.
Away from his pain.
Away from my pain.
“I need another,” I state, clunking my hurricane glass on top of Kate’s kitchen table. Or Miles’s kitchen table. Well, I suppose since they’re engaged now, it’s her kitchen table too.
I was engaged once—wasn’t that fun.
Dean cuts me a look from across the table. “I think you’ve had enough, Lyns.”
I scoff. “They’re nonalcoholic beverages!”
“Still, these mocktails are full of sugar,” Kate agrees with her sympathetic eyes on me. “You’re going to pop any day now, and you don’t want the baby coming out with a goiter on its neck or something.”
My eyes widen. “Can that really happen?”
Kate shrugs. “Hell if I know.”
“Well, don’t say scary medical things just willy-nilly like that. My mind is anxious enough!” I exclaim and then sulk because if Josh were here, I could ask him if sugar goiters are a thing.
“I’ll get you some water.” Dean heads to the refrigerator.
“Remember when Dr. Dick turned my Birds and Bees cocktail order into a water that night at the bar?” I turn to Dean while he brings me a bottle of water “Oh, my God, I was drinking Birds and Bees cocktails that night. No wonder I got knocked up. My parents never sat me down to tell me about the birds and the bees. They just always said Jesus was watching.”
“Jesus should have taken the wheel when you gave Dr. Dick one of my old-ass swag condoms,” Kate murmurs under her breath.
I jut my chin and shake my head. “Jesus should have taken the wheel when Dean let me get in an Uber with Josh that night.”
Dean exhales heavily and hands me the water. “Don’t you think I’ve thought of that about fourteen thousand times? I was such a dick that night for letting you leave with that…dick.”
“I have way too much dick in my life.” Of course…I don’t have any dick in my life now. That thought stings because, dammit, I miss him.
Kate’s voice cuts into my moping. “But you said yourself, Lyns, that this baby is not a mistake.”
“She’s not,” I rub my belly protectively, wondering why I feel drunk when I haven’t had a sip of alcohol. “Did I mention I think it’s a girl?”
“What makes you think that?” Kate asks, her eyes wide and hopeful.
“I had a dream,” I reply with a sigh. “It involved Josh delivering our little girl in the back of a minivan while he was dressed as a pirate. I have no idea why he was dressed up or where the minivan came from, but it was like a scene straight out of a rom-com.”
“A girl would be nice,” Kate says with a smile.
“A girl will be screwed,” I snap. “Because men suck. No offense, Dean.”
“No offense taken.” He shrugs.
“Although you suck too. You only love women who are safe for you to love. Friends who won’t threaten your singleness. If you tried to love that baker you’re obsessed with, then you would surely show your suckage spots well.”
“Why are we talking about me?” Dean straightens his glasses. “You’re the one who’s pregnant and just left your fiancé doctor yesterday.”
My head sags into my hands. “Because