“Everything hurts.”
“Sit down on the bench,” Joby said, guiding Pip by the elbow.
“Why are you wearing that?” Ruby asked, pointing to my dress. “Where have you been?”
My mouth was dry. I didn’t want to tell them the truth—that I’d been living in the City of Sand. That I was the daughter of the same person who had put them here, in this building. The man who had lied to them—to all of us—for so many years. It wasn’t how I wanted things to begin, this short meeting between us. “I was taken to the City of Sand,” I said. “I found out I’m the King’s daughter.”
Pip lifted her head. “You went to the City of Sand without me.” It was a statement, not a question. “You’ve been in the City of Sand this whole time.”
“I know how this must seem,” I said, reaching out for her hand. She pulled it away before I could touch her. “But it’s not like that.” I stopped myself, knowing I couldn’t reveal too much in front of Joby. “I’m here now,” I offered. But it sounded so small, so pathetic, even to me.
Ruby was staring at me. She bit at her nails. “Why are you here?” she asked.
To help you get out, I thought, the words dangerously close to leaving my mouth. Because I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you again. Because I’ve thought of you both every day since I left. “I had to come,” I said instead. “I needed to know you were okay.”
“We’re not,” Pip mumbled. She stared at the table, her finger making idle circles. Her cuticles were bloody and swollen. Her pregnant belly was visible when she sat down, the green gown jutting out around her midsection. “We get to sit out here once a day, for an hour. That’s all.” She lowered her voice, her eyes darting to Joby. “Once a day. The girls who are on bed rest are strapped down. They give us pills sometimes that make it hard to think.”
“They said it won’t be long,” Ruby offered. “They said we’ll be released soon.”
I tried to keep calm, feeling the guards staring at me. The King hadn’t yet decided what would happen to the first generation of girls from the birthing initiative, but I’d heard it would still be years until they were released. I thought of the key that I’d given to Arden. Of the dissidents somewhere below the City, working on the tunnels. Of the rest of the Trail, leading away from the Schools, winding through the wild, to Califia. Arden would get them out. And if she didn’t, if she couldn’t, I would find a way. “Yes, it’s going to be all right.”
“That’s what they say,” Pip continued. “That’s what all the girls keep saying. Maxine and Violet, and the doctors. Everyone thinks it’s going to be all right.” She gave a sad little laugh. “It’s not.”
I watched her as she ran her fingers over the stone table, her knee bouncing up and down. She wasn’t the same person who’d slept in the twin bed beside me all those years, who had done handstands on the lawn, who I sometimes caught humming to herself as she dressed, stepping to the side, then back, in a secret solitary dance. “Pip, you have to believe that,” I tried. “It will be.”
“Let’s get you two back inside,” Joby said, stepping forward. Pip kept staring at the table.
“Pip?” I asked, waiting until her gaze finally met mine. Her skin was pale, her freckles faded from so many hours indoors. “I promise everything is going to be okay.” I wanted to go on, but they were already getting up, their hands crossed at the wrists behind them, ready to go inside.
“Will you come back?” Ruby asked, turning to me.
“I’ll try my best.”
Pip slipped inside the building without saying goodbye. Ruby followed after, glancing over her shoulder one final time. Then they were gone, the door falling shut behind them, the hollow click of the lock stiffening my spine.
forty
WHEN I RETURNED TO THE CITY, I GRANTED REGINALD MORE interviews. I spoke of my great excitement for the wedding, of Charles’s commitment to The New America, and of my visit to the School, all the while comforted by the questions that would arise once I disappeared. People would have to wonder what had happened to me, their Princess, why I had gone missing on one of the biggest days in recent history. The King wouldn’t be able