Not You It's Me (Boston Love #1) - Julie Johnson Page 0,72

confusion. Casting a bit of clarity into the mystery that is Chase Croft.

Chase, tensing when the reporters asked about a potential engagement.

His face, when he walked into his cousin’s study and found my hand clasped tight in Brett’s.

The uncontrollable anger in his stride, in his eyes, in his voice at just the thought of Brett touching me, talking to me.

God, no wonder he flipped out.

“Chase…” My voice is gentle. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not.” His eyes move to mine. “The truth is always better than a lie, even if it hurts. I worked hard to get my life back, after that. I went to Europe, to Asia, to every forgotten corner of this world I could find, trying to be someone else. Trying to leave Chase Croft behind and become someone better.” He swallows. “I don’t know if I succeeded in that. But I do know I changed. And I learned to be careful about who I place my trust in. There’s a very short list of people I tell about my past… let’s just say, I don’t add anyone lightly. ”

He squeezes my hand, that one small gesture communicating more than a thousand pretty words, and the breath stills in my throat.

Because he trusts me.

He doesn’t say it, but it’s there in the way he’s laid out his past for me without shying away from the ugliness, from the pain. And what have I given him, in return?

Very little except distrust.

I suddenly wish, more than anything, I could go back to the start of all this and do things again — better, this time.

“I’m sorry, Chase,” I whisper to the water, feeling like the worst human being of all time.

His hand tightens on mine and my eyes refocus on his face. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”

I take a quick breath. “What happened after you found out? About Vanessa, I mean.”

“As soon as I learned the truth, Brett tossed her aside like a piece of garbage. In his eyes, she’d fulfilled her purpose. She wasn’t happy about it, despite the big payoff he gave her to keep her mouth shut with the press. So, she came back to me, showed up at my doorstep. Told me she loved me, that he’d tricked her. Begged me to take her back.”

I hold my breath, afraid of what he’ll say next.

“No matter how many doors I slam in her face, she keeps trying. Keeps calling.” I feel myself relax as he shakes his head in disbelief. “Brett’s probably paying her to do it, hoping it’ll fuck with me, even after all these years.” He pauses. “And considering the fact that her call made you run from me, yesterday, I guess it’s working.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper again, for an entirely different reason. “I shouldn’t have bolted without talking to you, first.”

His hand squeezes mine and though he doesn’t say anything, I know he’s accepted my apology.

“Why are you here, Chase?” I force myself to ask. “Why are you telling me all this?”

He glances at me, and those green eyes are so intense, I’m pinned to the spot.

“The second I saw you, jumping up and down on the sidelines of a sport you didn’t understand, cheering for the wrong team and still somehow having more fun than everyone else in that stadium, I knew. Knew I wanted you in my arms, in my bed, in my life.” His eyes are liquid heat — molten lava, burning into mine. “I’m used to getting what I want, Gemma.”

I stop breathing.

“Still, I was going to stay away from you, keep you out of all this shit, even if it killed me.”

“Why?”

“Because you aren’t built for deceit or lies or darkness. I’m shadow and you’re sunshine. You’re not like me. You’re just… different.”

“Bad different?”

“Different in the best way possible. My world — it’s monochrome. Black and white. But you…” His voice gets lower, huskier. “You’re painted in every shade on the palette. You’re screaming color. A fucking rainbow.”

I pause for a moment, trying to process that. “Past tense?” I ask finally.

“What?”

“You said you were going to stay away from me. Were, not are.” I swallow hard. “Past tense.”

He looks at me, his eyes searing into mine, and the expression on his face makes my heart clench with hope.

“I was trying to keep you out of this shit with Brett. Now that he knows… you’re in it, whether I like it or not.” He steps closer and I tilt my head back to hold his gaze. “I’m not