Norma Jean - By Amanda Heath Page 0,34

still wasn’t my Chance but maybe he didn’t have to be. It was one night of dancing and then I could go back to the mourning of a love that wasn’t returned.

Well that’s what I thought anyway. He pursued me for months. Six to be exact. I kept turning him down. He played it off as nothing but I could see the hurt in his eyes every time I did. He wasn’t what my heart wanted and I didn’t know what to do.

I finally broke down and said yes to dinner and a movie. Though I should have skipped the movie, since it was too close to my first date with Chance. He goes to Henderson which is right across the street from OBU. Our schools are rivals but I don’t think it stopped him from going after me or should I say what he wants?

After the first couple of months of dating him, I finally figured out I didn’t think of Chance so much. He wasn’t what I woke up thinking about. He wasn’t what I saw when I went to sleep at night. I just hoped he was doing good up in Fayetteville. I know that’s not what I should be thinking. He hurt me and I should move on but as time goes on I find that I can’t move on. He will always be a part of me. Which is scary as hell.

Regina and I have become best friends, which is scary itself since I haven’t ever really had friends. She takes me shopping and I dropped all the black clothes and she even talked me into going back to my natural hair color. I no longer have black hair and it’s almost a relief. You wouldn’t recognize me walking down the street. Regina also helped me with my self-esteem. I can hold my head up high and say I’m beautiful, and actually feel it. But only when I’m not in front of a mirror.

Some of my classes have me in McClellan so I see Deborah all the time. She has become like a second mother to me. She even makes me lunch sometimes and we sit in one of the unused classrooms on the first floor and eat. She tells me about her daughter and I tell her about my mom. Sometimes I tell her about Chance. If only to get some of it off my chest.

I guess I realized I had a great love for Chance, something I never thought I would have for him. I don’t want to ever forget that feeling honestly. It was pure and it was real. Maybe one day I will have it again. Maybe.

Chance

To say that my summer sucked is an understatement. Norma was just gone. Her mother refused to tell me where she was, where she is. Apparently she had known she was going to college the whole time we were together. Another thing she lied about. It’s safe to say that she broke me. I doubt I will ever be the same.

I drank most of those three months away. They are a blur of alcohol and sex. Yes I said sex. I had lots of it, just because I could. They were all Norma though. Every last one of them was her looking up at me while I thrust into her. It was a sick way to get off, I even admit that, but what can I do? My body finally knew what sex felt like, it wanted it all the time.

Creed was one happy camper seeing as I was playing the field with him finally. I really only wanted to be numb and forget everything that happened the last months of my senior year. Forget the girl who ripped my heart out of my chest. I guess it was only fair since I destroyed her life once upon a time.

I’m a sick fucking bastard. I know and I’m starting to realize a lot of other people know it. My mom will hardly look me in the eyes anymore. This being only after she got a hold of Norma’s diary, and her letter. I honestly don’t know who she was madder at first. The shrew or me.

Though I had a few bright spots in the darkness. Macy of course. Though every time I really went to spend time with her, I heard Norma singing in my head. I also saw her holding the little girl and my heart broke all over again.

Then my sister showed back