one wants to work with them. Same here.”
“Give me just one example.”
She groaned. “All right. Two weeks ago you slammed the phone down on Camille LeCrux.”
“She was being incredibly rude.”
“She’s a house author, Noel. Yes, she’s petty, rude, and agonizingly demanding. She also happens to sell more than twenty-five million dollars in books a year. There’s not a house in the world that would keep you after that. And yes, she went straight to Jonathan. He had to talk her off the ledge. I’ve never seen him so angry.”
I was quiet. Jonathan was the president of the publishing house. Not someone whose radar you want to land on. At least, not in a negative way.
After a moment Natasha said in a softer, more sympathetic tone, “I read through all the complaints. There was one common denominator. They all say you’re just too angry to work with.”
I let the accusation sink in. “So you waited for me to leave so you could tell me by phone?”
“No, I was going to tell you Wednesday afternoon, only that morning you came to ask for time off because your father was dying. Not exactly the moment to drop a bomb on you. I was respecting your situation.”
“I think respecting my situation would have been to be truthful to me.”
“That’s your way of seeing it.” She paused, then said, “You really are angry, Noel. And I just delivered a big reason for you to be even angrier. I’m sorry.”
My chest felt heavy. “Why did you call today? Why not wait until I returned?”
“When I heard that your father died, I called to tell you so you didn’t have to run back, in case you needed to make long-term plans. I didn’t want you to hurry back just so I could fire you.”
For nearly a minute my thoughts were treading water. “Who’s taking my authors?”
“You don’t need to worry about that.”
“What about Lori?”
“You don’t need to worry about her either.”
“Is she taking my job?”
“Again, not your concern.”
I took a deep breath, trying not to cry. “Then I guess we’re done.”
“Almost. HR will be reaching out to you in the next few days with specifics of your termination. I made them delay that call until I could speak with you.”
I closed my eyes tight. Finally, I said, “I still need to clear out my desk.”
“I asked Lori to put your things in boxes. We’ll keep them in storage for now. We can ship them if you like.”
I sighed deeply. “All right.”
“Look, this isn’t any fun for me either. I’ve had your back for a long time. As a friend, or at least a former one, may I give you some advice?”
“If you must…”
“Do yourself a favor and don’t make any big decisions right now. Give yourself some breathing room. With your divorce, your father, and now this, your life is in a major upheaval. Let the dust settle a little before you start off on your next course.”
I considered her words. “Would you ever let me back?”
“Would you want to come back?”
“I don’t know. I thought I did well there.”
Natasha exhaled slowly. “Never say never, right? You’re a good editor. Would I hire back the woman I first hired? In a heartbeat.”
I swallowed back the emotion. “Thank you.”
She was quiet a moment, then said, “All right. I’ll let you go. Get some rest. You sound exhausted. And I meant what I said, Noel. Take some time to care for yourself.”
* The greatest man-made fruit since the tangelo.
CHAPTER four
You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
—Ray Bradbury
I felt as if the very forces of nature had conspired to destroy me. All I could think to do was run, literally as well as figuratively. I put on my sweats, coat and gloves, and went outside.
It was cloudy when I emerged from the house. The flowers someone had left were still on the porch, frozen and dead. There was no longer any reason to salvage them, so I carried them around to the side of the house and dropped them, vase and all, into the garbage can. I stretched lightly and then proceeded to run.
The street was quiet, the ambient sounds dampened by a layer of snow that fleeced the lawns and roofs but hadn’t stuck to the roads or sidewalks. After my mother’s death I began running almost every day. I ran the four hundred meters for the girls’ track team before I was kicked off the team for honor code violations.
Habitually, I started out following