No Love Lost (Masters & Mercenaries The Forgotten #5) - Lexi Blake Page 0,155

been the one wearing them. I don’t have to submit to you.”

He stared for a moment. “Okay. You can put them on me if you want. You can tie me to that cross and use every toy in this room on me. There’s some cock and ball torture toys in the closet.”

Her nipples ached and she knew she should take her clothes and leave, but she watched as he kicked off his boots and worked the ties of his leathers. He shoved them off and tossed them to the side. She heard something ping against the tray, but she was staring at him as he moved around her.

He went to the cross and laid his arms against the ties. “Do it. You do whatever you want to me. I deserve it and I want it. If you want me to submit to you every night for the rest of my life, I’ll do it.”

She laughed, but it wasn’t because she was amused. It was because the entire thought was ridiculous. “You want me to torture your balls?”

“If that’s what it takes to get you to forgive me. Yes. It’ll hurt so much less than losing you again, than losing this chance we have at making a family together.”

They’d lost that chance years before. “You threw that away. You threw me away.”

He nodded. “I did. I did all of it and more, and I am begging you to not be as cruel as I was. I’m begging you to do what I couldn’t. Be brave. Be Kim. Be the best part of us.”

Us. For so many years she’d wanted to be a part of an us. No. Not any us. She’d wanted to be part of Kim and Beck.

Why did it have to be this man? Why?

“Please, Kim. I’ll do anything. I’ve spent seven years working to figure out how to be the man you need.”

He was naked and vulnerable. He had tears in his eyes.

“Are you doing this for Roman?” It would be okay. She could handle it.

“I didn’t know Roman even existed.” He brought his hands down, his shoulders slumping. “I went into therapy for you. Because I wanted to be ready if I got another shot. Let’s try couple’s therapy. We don’t have to do anything but talk.”

Talking was where he would get her.

“I meant what I said. If it’s not me, then I want there to be someone for you. You deserve it. I fucked up. I fucked up my life. I fucked up your life. God, I fucked up the life we could have had, but I promise I will dedicate the rest of my life to making sure you’re happy.”

It was everything she’d longed to hear from him. It was all she’d ever wanted out of life—to have someone who loved her and she could love back.

But they’d missed their chance. Hadn’t they?

She shook her head and backed up. And pain flared across her foot. She bent down and picked up what she’d stepped on. A ring. She knew that ring. She held it in her palm. “I thought you threw it away.”

His wedding ring.

“I couldn’t. I’ve carried it with me pretty much everywhere I’ve gone. At first to remind me of what went wrong, and later to remind me you were still out there in the world and we still had a chance. Kim, I love you. I’ve always loved you.”

She stared down at that ring and remembered the vows he’d made, the promises he hadn’t kept.

She’d never loved anyone the way she did Beck. Roman had opened her heart to a different kind of love, but it had been Beck who’d haunted her dreams.

She tossed the ring aside. She would have her one last night with him.

She walked right up to him and kissed him, pressing her aching nipples against his chest. She wanted the pain, wanted it to balance out the pleasure, to remind her that there would always be pain with this man.

Who gets out of this life without pain? Even as his arms encircled her and he held her with a desperation she could feel, her mind was working.

She didn’t owe Beck anything. Not forgiveness. Not another chance. She didn’t owe Roman anything but to be civil to his father and accommodate their relationship.

“God, I’ll never get used to having you in my arms again.” Beck’s hands moved across her back and down to her ass where he cupped her and pressed her against his body. “It’s like I was