No Good Deed - Marie Sexton Page 0,73

dialysis machine three times each week. Jonas would meet the boy’s parents today, and the boy himself too, although only briefly, at Jonas’s request. He wasn’t doing this to receive their praise or accolades. He had his own reasons for putting himself through this hell, although those reasons were a bit harder to remember as he knelt there on the floor in front of the toilet.

“Think about Shelly,” Charlie said. “That’s who you’re doing this for.”

Jonas nodded. Charlie was right. He had to hope that wherever Shelly was, she was proud of him.

“We need to get going,” Charlie said, his voice gentle. “It’s just a car ride to the hospital. That’s all it is. Don’t think beyond that. We’re only going for a ride.”

Jonas focused on his breathing as Charlie had taught him. He made a mental effort to think only about not throwing up. To not let his imagination run forward to the hospital, or the IV, or the surgery. He kept his attention on the cold floor under his knees, Charlie’s warm hand on his back, and his memories of Shelly. No need to throw up again. They were only going for a drive.

“I’m ready.”

Jonas closed his eyes as they drove to the hospital, counting slowly as he breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth, doing his best to keep his mind blank just as Charlie had taught him. Charlie held his hand the entire way. At the hospital, he guided Jonas to the surgical ward. Jonas’s heart raced, his palms sweating. He sat there, fighting the urge to vomit as Charlie checked him in, answering the nurse’s questions.

“On a scale of one to ten, where would you say your anxiety is right now?” the woman behind the counter asked him.

Jonas had to lick his lips to answer. “The scale only goes to ten? I’m somewhere in the triple digits.”

She nodded. “Okay. I’ll let the pre-op nurses know.”

Charlie led him to a pink pleather love seat. “Just keep breathing.”

Jonas nodded, doing his best. It seemed to take forever. The sooner they started, the sooner this would be over.

On the other hand, maybe he could walk out right now and never look back.

Finally, a nurse emerged. “I’ll take you back now.” She glanced at Charlie. “Once he’s set and his IV in place, I can come get you—”

Jonas gripped Charlie’s hand, all the panic he’d been fighting to contain suddenly flaring to the surface. “No. No, no, no, he has to come with me. We got married. I need him to come with me.” His breathing was coming too fast, and he stood up, still clutching Charlie’s hand, although he had no idea where he thought he was going. Away. That’s all he knew.

Away.

“I’m an RN,” Charlie said, urging Jonas to sit again. “Not that I’m going to micromanage or tell you how to do your job. But I won’t get in your way or do anything stupid back there. I think he’ll be calmer if I’m there. That’s all.”

“Please,” Jonas said, his voice cracking on the word. Tears filled his eyes. “Please, please let Charlie come with me. I don’t know if I can do this any other way.”

She sighed, smiling. “Okay. It’s not our first choice, but it’s not unheard of either.”

Jonas had heard the term “lamb being led to slaughter” many times, but never had he related to it so wholeheartedly. He could be marching to his death. These might be the last conscious moments of his life. Yes, it was highly unlikely, but it wasn’t impossible. Nobody could guarantee he’d wake up when this was all over. It took every bit of effort to put one foot in front of the other. Charlie half led, half dragged Jonas behind the nurse, who hustled down the hallway way too fast for Jonas. Jonas tried to keep his breathing slow and regular. Tried not to think about what happened next. Tried not to worry about everything going wrong.

He failed on every count.

The nurse led him into a curtained room. “Go ahead and get undressed. You can put all your belongings in this plastic bag and put the bag on the shelf under the cot here. Put on this gown, with the opening in front. Here are some footies to keep you warm. Make sure the no-slip strips are on the bottom of your foot. Then go ahead and lie down on the bed. Once you’re settled, open the curtain and the anesthesia nurse will