No Good Deed - Marie Sexton Page 0,14
He was back to being the gentle guy Jonas had fallen for six years earlier. “And did you?”
“Not even close.” Maybe he’d never given anybody much of a chance, but nobody could compete with Charlie in his mind.
“Keep going,” Charlie urged.
“I spent a lot of time with Shelly. I barely knew her growing up. By the time I was old enough to understand who she was, she was off to college. But we grew really close over those next couple of years.” He smiled, remembering. “She’d joined this online dating service, and I’d go to her house once or twice a week. We’d sit there eating Cheetos and drinking wine and talking about all the bad dates we’d been on.” They’d gossiped and talked about sex and laughed until they had tears running down their cheeks. “I got to know her mom too. We’d all have dinner together once a week. I had a family for the first time since I was a kid. At the time, it didn’t seem like much. But now, I’d give anything in the world to be able to go back to that.”
Charlie’s voice was quiet. “Then she got sick?”
Jonas nodded. “And after that…” He shook his head, wiping his eyes again. He was done crying. “I don’t know where all my time went, to be honest. It’s not like I spent two whole years sitting by her sickbed. That first year and a half or so, she tried to keep living her life as usual, except with dialysis thrown in. But once we knew about the disease, I didn’t have the mental energy for anything else. I still did my art. I still worked at the daycare, because it was the brightest part of my day. I still had dinner with Shelly and her mom, Sharon, once a week. But when the guy I was seeing stopped calling me, I was relieved, because I had nothing left to give him. It just felt like he didn’t deserve my time.” He shook his head. “God, I know that sounds conceited, but—”
“No,” Charlie said. “You were prioritizing, and family came first. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
Jonas couldn’t help but smile. This was one of the things he loved about Charlie—his ability to intercept self-criticism with logic. “Once Shelly passed away, I helped her mom clean out her house. Sharon and I got along well, but without Shelly, it was hard. Shelly was the lynchpin, and without her, we just had nothing to say. We saw less of each other.” He sighed. “I didn’t just lose a half-sister . I felt like I lost the center of my whole world. I had no reason left to stay in Seattle. And once I decided to donate a kidney…” He shrugged. “It all led me back here.” Back to the only other place in the world he’d ever felt comfortable and loved. “Back to you.”
This time, it was Charlie who reached across the table to take Jonas’s hand.
“I’m sorry,” Jonas said, tears stinging his eyes again. “About the way I left things. About not calling. About everything. It seemed like my only real option at the time. And I don’t totally regret it because otherwise I’d never have had that time with Shelly. But I hate that I hurt you in the process.”
“What’s done is done.” Charlie squeezed his hand. “But God, it’s good to have you back.”
Jonas thought that was it—that they’d finally made it over the speed bump of their past—but when bedtime came, Charlie handed him sheets for the hide-a-bed and kissed him on the forehead.
“Good night.”
Charlie had to work the next day. Jonas made him dinner again. They spent the evening on the couch, Charlie knitting while Jonas sketched. They chatted a bit. But once again, Charlie went to bed alone.
The wind blew outside hard enough to make the house creak. Jonas pulled out the hide-a-bed and climbed under the covers. Buttercup joined him, curling up on his chest. Jonas lay awake deep into the night, wondering if this was how it was going to be. He’d assumed when Charlie invited him to stay that they’d be sharing a bed, and yet now, Charlie didn’t seem to want him. Maybe Charlie was still mad at him for leaving. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to Jonas anymore. Maybe he was trying to punish Jonas, or just didn’t want to invite trouble with his best friend.
Jonas absentmindedly scratched Buttercup’s ears and debated sneaking into Charlie’s room, undressing and