Never Give Up - Heidi Lis Page 0,61

never happened. How do you think I felt?” I kept my tone as calm as I could, the sadness in my eyes desperately trying to reach Micah.

The way he’s looking at me, it’s as if he wants to hug me, but he doesn’t. It’s his brother that breaks up our silent moment when no one dared speak.

“Oh, Elsa,” Matt says to console me. Not Micah.

My parents have stopped their insults, instead they are glaring at me like I’m out of my mind. Micah’s staring at the ground with his hand behind his neck. He’s struggling, hell if he only knew how much we all were. I’m looking at each of them, stunned no one is saying a word. Wow, I’m not sure what I expected, but this sure wasn’t it. This time standing right next to Micah who is next to Matt.

“Okay, not a word huh? Let me ask you something, do you know why no one knows, Micah? NO one cared enough to ask me. I had my baby alone, not one visitor, no one. No words of wisdom, no shoulder to cry on. The doctors and nurses wouldn’t even look me in the eye, the whole time. I had a beautiful baby boy. But before I could hold him, even get a good look at him, they took him from me. I was not allowed to see or hold him. I had my insides ripped open, scared and wanting to fucking die.”

Peering off in the distance, no one says a word. I take the chance to tell not only Micah but my parents as well since they never bothered to ask me themselves.

“I had one nurse who took pity on me, felt so sorry I had no one who cared enough to sit with me. A sixteen-year-old scared girl should never have to face that, alone. She put her job on the line and brought me a baby in a pink hat, that night. Crying and scared, she told me they put him in a pink hat so I would NOT know it was him. Shitty right? But she let me hold him, feed him and spend some time with him before the agency came and took him the next morning.” I’m completely wrecked, and exhausted retelling my story.

“That is so fucked.” It’s all Micah says. So I keep going.

“I named him…I named your son.” With my head held high, I proudly tell him. My parents never even knew.

He gasps. “What?” The pain and sorrow is apparent with his tight jaw, and harsh squint.

“I named him as he held my finger. I even took a picture. He was the most beautiful baby boy, ever.” My voice cracks at the same time my chin quivers.

My mom’s eyes fill with tears. “Elsa, you never told us?”

Yeah, I wonder why?

“Why the hell would I?” I turn in disbelief to face them. “You disowned me the minute you found out. You made me give him up, I had no say.”

My mother huffs. “For God Sake Elsa, you were sixteen years old. You knew nothing about raising a child.” My mother’s voice cold as ever. My new nickname for her is the ice queen.

I’ve heard this so many times. I’m rubbing my eyebrow like I’m warding off a headache. I sigh. “Maybe so but the way you both treated me, it was awful, and I’ve never forgotten or will ever forget. I hate what you made me do. Especially the way you treated me when I needed you the most.”

Micah’s not only agitated with me but my parents, too. He stares at me for a long moment breathing heavily. His voice cracks, “Why, Elsa? I just don’t understand why you did not go to my parents? You were so stupid not to. They would have helped you. They would have called me. And you and I could have our son RIGHT NOW.”

I flinch with the intensity and resentment in his voice. But right now, he’s pushed me too far.

“Stupid! What the hell do you know? Stop asking me why I didn’t go to your parents.” Trying to release some of my tension, I roll my shoulders. I know this will hurt him, but oh well. “You fucked up, you left.”

“I HAD TO, I had no choice.” Micah finally admits.

And here I go.

“And I HAD to give up my baby, I had no choice.” I don’t back down. I square my shoulders and stand tall. Hell you had no choice, but then again either