Never Always Sometimes - Adi Alsaid Page 0,81
week,”
he said. Julia pulled her arms back, and he folded his hands in his lap, not knowing what else to do with them. “And I’ve been thinking about
something she said.”
Julia got off from the bed and started to pace. She sat back against
his desk, her hands leaning on it for support, her jaw clenched. “Yeah?
What’d she say?”
“It was actually a nice e-mail. She said she wished I was happy even
if it’s not with her.”
Julia relaxed, but she stayed away from the bed. “Okay.”
“She also said that we can’t choose who we love. The way she said
it was, ‘Your heart’s an asshole for choosing someone else. But that’s
not really your choice to make.’” He sat up a little, crossing his legs in front of him. “What I’ve been wondering is . . .” He paused, trying to
figure out the right way to phrase it. If there was a right way. If he even knew exactly what he wanted to say. The wind blew stronger outside,
and the branches of the jacaranda scraped against his window with a
squeak.
“Just say it, dammit.”
“Calm down, I don’t know what I’m trying to say.”
272 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES
“Oh, you don’t know?” Julia rolled her eyes. “Where the hell is this
coming from?”
“Where’s what coming from? I haven’t said anything.”
“You’re thinking you chose wrong, Dave. You can stammer all you
want, but that’s what you were going to say.” Dave exhaled, wanting to
deny it. Then he looked down at his tangled sheets, the dimples in the
pillow where Julia’s head had been just a moment ago. “Tell me it’s not
true. Tell me that’s not what you’ve been thinking.”
Dave couldn’t say anything, though. He was trying to find the
words, but they were like the earphones on his desk, a whole bunch of
them tangled together. Even if he managed to unravel them, he didn’t
know how much use they could be.
Julia started pacing again. She turned the corner from his room
and went into the bathroom, that signature pitter-patter of her bare
feet on tile. When she came back he could see the tears forming in
her eyes. He expected her to yell. To force him to say something. To
force him to figure out what was going on. But she took a seat on
the bed in front of him and she brought her knees up to her chest,
wrapping her arms around them and tucking them close. She didn’t
look away from him.
“I don’t think I chose wrong,” Dave finally said, weakly. “I don’t
know if I made a choice at all.”
“So, what, then? What are you saying?”
“It’s not just Gretchen,” Dave said. “Haven’t things been a little . . .
I don’t know.”
DAVE & JULIA 273
“Dave, you say you don’t know one more time, I’m going to throw
a dictionary at you.”
“Sorry.” He smoothed out a patch of bedsheets by his side. “Off,” he
said. “Things have been a little off. Haven’t they felt that way to you?”
Julia leaned down so her forehead was touching her knees. She
shook her head that way, slowly, and when she looked up over the
ridge of her kneecaps, tears were on the brink of her eyelids, caught
on her lashes like divers about to jump. She bit her lip, she put her
forehead down again, she shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said
finally, managing a smile. “Maybe a little. But this is still new.”
“Julia, we’ve been best friends for five years. It’s never once felt off.
Why now?”
She stretched her legs out in front of her. “Because the universe
hates happiness?” She wiped at her eyes. “That’s not even true, though.
Things have been great between us, haven’t they?”
“The past week has been great, Julia. But there’s something wrong
here. I can’t think of things to talk about with you. I don’t know how
to act around you. And, yes, Gretchen’s on my mind. Too much for it
to not mean anything.”
He was not ready to see her face crumple into tears. He’d seen
her get sad once or twice. But this? This was uncharted territory. He
thought back to the night of the “BEER” party, how hurt she’d looked
when he called her a cliché. This was like that, but worse. She hid
behind her hands and wept.
His chest felt emptied out. Outside, the sun was still shining, and
274 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES
it felt weird that moments like these could happen in the daytime.
Fights, like phone calls delivering bad news, those only happened in
the middle of the night, didn’t they? Shrouded in darkness?
Julia stood up from the bed and went over to the box of tissues on
his nightstand. She wiped her tears and blew her nose, then took a