Never Always Sometimes - Adi Alsaid Page 0,80

lull fell into place quickly, and what should have felt like lazy

love now made Dave restless. “You wanna go grab some food? I realized

I’ve been an awful boyfriend and haven’t even taken you out on a date.”

“We’ve been dating for years; we were just missing this part.” She

turned over to face him. “I don’t need you to take me on dates. This is

great.”

“You’re not hungry?”

“Yeah. Just order some pizza and shove it into my face. We can have

saucy, not-beardy sex afterward.”

“You know, one of these days I’m going to get really offended by the

beard jokes and you’re going to lose me.”

“That’s why I keep that sexy mathematician around. He’s my

backup.”

“I’m sure I’m the backup.” Dave kissed her forehead, then sat up.

“Let’s get out of the house. See the world. I feel like my muscles are

atrophying.”

“What muscles? I didn’t know you had muscles.”

“Wow, hurtful,” Dave said, poking her stomach.

“Wow, sensitive,” Julia said, burying her face into his stomach and

wrapping her arms and legs around him like a vise. “Where was that

spark the other day when I wanted to skip school? Now I’m feeling

lazy.”

DAVE & JULIA 269

“You’re not gonna let me get out of bed, are you?”

Julia tightened her grip. “I don’t know what you mean.”

He tried to relax into her arms. He ran his hand along her side,

then looked around his room. The jacaranda outside his window was

swaying. Laundry was overflowing from his hamper. His whiteboard

still had the quote from Gretchen’s tattoo on it. He wondered if Julia

had noticed it. He remembered seeing it on Gretchen’s neck when they

had cuddled, rubbing his finger over it.

He shook away the memory. Was this what it was always like with

love? Memories wrapping themselves around acts, no chance of prying

them apart? Or was this not normal at all? Was this not how it was

supposed to be?

“You’re so antsy,” Julia said. She was still holding him close, but her

grip had relaxed a little. She was looking up at him. “I had no idea you were the kind of guy that needed more than cuddling.”

“Even sustenance?”

“You know how many calories there are in cuddling? And vitamins?”

Dave chuckled, his eyes still on the whiteboard. He wanted Julia to

keep joking, because when they were laughing everything felt exactly

as it should be. But he couldn’t keep the banter going, and soon the

silence fell over the two of them. It was an uneasy silence, like a liquid on the verge of boiling.

“Hey. Everything okay?”

“Yeah, fine,” Dave said.

Julia pulled back a little. “Don’t do that. That whole, ‘yeah I’m fine’

thing. I know you too well for that shit.” Her leg fell away from his.

270 NEVER ALWAYS SOMETIMES

Dave tried to meet her eyes, but when he saw those intense blue

irises he was afraid every single one of his thoughts would be on display.

He turned to look at the dust particles dancing in the light, trying to

follow just one of them. “I don’t know,” Dave said. “I’m restless.”

“Like, you wanna go jogging?”

“Not quite.”

“Wanna play Ultimate Frisbee? Let a bunch of mice loose in the

mall and then chase after them?”

“You’re a crazy person,” Dave said, squeezing her forearm. Then he

let his head fall back and closed his eyes, as if this doubt were just

some dizzy spell that would pass if he gave it a moment or two.

“Come on, don’t get all quiet on me. Something’s on your mind.”

Dave took a deep breath, exhaling slowly with his lips pursed, as

if he was trying to whistle. “Gretchen,” he said, not believing he had

said it.

“Oh.”

Dave kept his eyes closed, so he couldn’t tell what Julia was doing,

just that less and less of her was making contact with his skin. Her

weight shifted around the mattress until it felt like she was sitting on the corner of it. “In what way is she on your mind?”

“I don’t know. She’s just there.”

“Do you feel bad for her?”

“Yeah.”

Her hand landed on his thigh, soft and warm, reassuring. “You’ve

got a good heart, Dave. It’s okay if you feel bad.” He felt her scoot back toward him, and he opened his eyes. She put her arms around his

DAVE & JULIA 271

neck. “I wish it had happened some other way, too. But I’m glad you’re

with me.” Leaning in, she kissed him. “You have a good heart, Dave. I

wouldn’t love you as much as I do if it weren’t for that.”

Dave managed a smile, but the feeling that something was off hadn’t

gone away. If anything, it was more acute, like he was just about to

figure out exactly what it meant. “She wrote me an e-mail this