high on life, honey.”
My sister is our manager, and a damn good one, even though she’s young. We had another manager for the first couple years but there were always problems, which Roxie kept on fixing, so we got rid of Angelo and got Roxie to do the job full-time. “You know you’re going to force my hand one of these days, Vaughn.”
I hold her hand and kiss the back of it. “To do what?”
She pulls away, but her eyes have a shine to them, like she’s genuinely worried about me. “You said you’d get clean after the last tour.”
“I meant this tour.”
She glares at me, her eyes glittering with equal parts sorrow and annoyance.
“I’m fine, Rox. Chill, darlin’.”
“Chill, my ass.” But she’s smart enough to know that nagging me will never work. “How’s Travis’s new house?”
“It’s good. How was your date last night?”
Guys fall into the trap all the time of underestimating Roxie or assuming she’s as sweet and innocent as she looks. But they soon learn. “Disastrous. He spent the whole dinner telling me about his new tractor and how much horsepower it has. Then he talked about how many kids he wants to have by the time he’s thirty and also that he wants to get started as soon as possible because he’s already twenty-six.”
I laugh. “Shit.”
“Yeah.”
Three groupies scream my name and come running over to me. They gather around me and start fawning over me. “Vaughn, we want to ride on the bus with you.” Our tour bus is huge and has a lounge, a full kitchen and four bedrooms. Mine is usually … full. We drive to our shows for the North American tours because Kade hates flying.
I look down at one of the girls. She’s familiar, although I can’t remember her name.
I’m staring down at her sort of intently. One, she’s blurred at the edges. Two, it’s just such a stark difference. Between this girl and the girl. I’m not just talking about looks but also the intent behind the looks. Not that this girl isn’t kind, she probably is, who would know. Her eyes are brown, full of awe and enthusiasm and a yearning to be a part of something. She wants me, not for me, but for her. Which I can hardly blame her for. She doesn’t want to love, she wants to be loved.
Strangely, in this moment, it feels like an important distinction.
I’m not proud to admit this, but … how could I have settled for this? When I could have that? The small-town goddess with the golden eyes and the little furrow of sensitivity between her strawberry-blond eyebrows.
I guess the obvious answer to that question is … I didn’t know about the tiger-eyed girl before this morning.
But now I do.
I miss that little furrow of concern. The gentle empathy that felt like a cool haven I wanted to dive into.
Listen to yourself, you fucking lunatic. What the hell?
“No,” I hear myself saying. “I’m busy.”
Roxie does a sort of double-take, like something I said was out of character.
“Can we at least get backstage passes to the first show?” asks one of the groupies.
“Why don’t you talk to Roxie about that.” I wink at my sister as I walk away.
Why the hell did I just say no to three cute-enough girls jumping into my bed?
You know why.
Maybe I am losing it. Starting with the flashback of my mother this morning, I haven’t felt quite myself.
And now I’m getting some weird fixation on the kindness of a random stranger?
The little country bumpkin with hair the color of ripe, sun-touched wheat and the smooth-as-silk skin. She’s taken up residence in my head. And I’m not even sure I want her there.
I don’t want her there.
I get to my apartment, which is cleaner than I left it. I’ll never get used to having staff, who do shit like picking up after me.
I can, however, get used to the shopping list they make sure I have. I grab the bottle of Johnny Walker Red, crack it open and drink a long sip to take the edge off. Then I slide it into my duffel bag, along with some clothes, all the pharmaceuticals in my drawer, my leather jacket and a few other things I’ll need for the three-week trip.
By the time I get onto the bus, the others are already there. Roxie’s at the table with people from our sound and logistics crews, Travis and Ruby are sitting on the leather couch by the flat screen