He looked up, scowling. "Now what?"
"Have you thought through the consequences of our mating, Riley? Have you?" She poked a finger into his chest. "One of us is going to have to break from our pack. One of us is going to have to cut out our heart." Her. She was the one who'd have to break. She knew that beyond any shadow of a doubt . . . because Riley was just a fraction older, just a fraction more dominant. Not enough to change the dynamic of their relationship, but more than enough to rip her from DarkRiver.
"We'll still be close physically - "
"That's bullshit. You know it and I know it." Fisting her hands, she thumped them on her thighs. "DarkRiver is as much a part of my soul as SnowDancer is yours. Sentinels don't leave their packs, not unless they choose to follow a new alpha. Neither do lieutenants."
"We have an alliance," Riley said, feeling a chill creep up his back. "There's no reason for either of us to break from our packs."
"But we will! Soon as we mate, for one of us, the connection to our alpha, to our pack, the blood bond, will break. We'll feel it right here." Mercy slammed a fist into her heart. Because he understood her - damn it - he didn't say it, but she knew he was as aware as she was that it would be her.
"You're not going to give up your mate to stay in your pack." Ground out through clenched teeth.
She couldn't argue with him. "No." Having a mate was a gift, a brilliance of being. "But it'll destroy a part of me. I won't be the same woman. I'll be less." That was what had so terrified her this afternoon, the recognition that to be with this man, with her mate, she'd have to give up not only her pack . . . but part of herself. "I don't know if my leopard can accept that."
Riley swore, then reached out to close a hand over hers. The leopard snarled, making her jerk back in reflex. His mouth tightened. "You're not just a leopard, Mercy, you're human, too. You won't be less - you'll adapt."
"I might be human," she said, aching to touch him, yet angry with him at the same time, "but I'm also a pack animal. I'm not a loner, Riley. I never have been. I can't be whole without my pack." She sucked in a breath. "If it had been another leopard pack, it would've hurt like hell but I think my cat would've learned to adapt. But to come into a pack of wolves - "
"If that happens, if yours is the bond that breaks," Riley said, sitting up to face her, "SnowDancer will treat you as its own, you know that. You know."
"The woman understands," she said softly, breaking his heart with her sorrow, "but the leopard doesn't. All it knows is that if I take my wolf, I might lose everything else that ever mattered."
Chapter 44
The next morning, by mutual agreement, Mercy and Riley drove to meet Nash down the road from Nate and Tamsyn's house. The entire Baker family was staying there while their home was being fitted up with all sorts of high-tech security.
The drive was quiet. Neither of them mentioned the painful truth they'd talked about in the den, but the fact that they hadn't been apart since the night before . . . well, it spoke for itself.
"Thanks for meeting me out here," Nash said, taking a seat at a picnic table in the backyard of Zach and Annie's house - the couple had already left for the day, but Zach had called Mercy with the location of the hidden key. Using that key, she'd put on the coffee while Riley escorted Nash over. She'd figured the boy would do better with a male.
Now she put three empty mugs on the table as Riley headed in to bring out the insulated pitcher. "You didn't want to worry your parents, right?"
A nod from the young man across from her. Brown eyed, with hair a few shades lighter, he was good-looking in a gentle kind of way. But there was an underlying toughness to him, the lynx within.
"Coffee." Riley poured and grabbed a seat. "I'm going to cut to the chase, Nash. It's been a week and we're still not clear on why the Alliance targeted you rather than any number of more experienced researchers. MIT's playing the commercial sensitivity card and you haven't exactly been cooperative, either."
"Secrecy's vital to our funding." Nash met Mercy's eyes. "We all had to sign complex nondisclosure agreements."
Given the alacrity with which the lynx had agreed to this meet, Mercy had a feeling he simply hadn't wanted to say anything in a medium that could be recorded or traced back to him. "Okay, I get that," Mercy said. "But we need to calculate the odds of another attempt - whether by humans, changelings, or Psy. It'll affect not only the security arrangements we make for you, but your family's as well."
Nash didn't even take a moment to think about it. "Odds are very high. Any of the three, but changelings probably not so much."
"Damn, that's what I was afraid of." Mercy chewed on her lower lip. "This company that's sponsoring you, will they pay for bodyguards?"
"I think so."
Riley nodded, as if following Mercy's line of thought. "We'll provide the bodyguards."
"You would anyway," Nash said. Then smiled. "But the sponsor doesn't have to know that. The pack might as well get paid for protecting my ass."
Mercy grinned. He was okay, was Nash. "They're also the most likely source of the leak."
"Yeah. I had a call from the managing director to say they're going through all personnel who might have links to the Human Alliance."
"Good." Riley tapped a finger against his coffee mug. "This company - your gut reaction?"
Nash's face turned serious. "They're out to make money, but they're willing to put in the hard time funding research that might never go anywhere. I figure that's fair."