do that. Please.”
“I didn’t want you to see those.”
“Why? They’re incredible.” She didn’t respond, but I could see the answer in her eyes. “You’re afraid. Of what?”
“Taggish, please,” she begged.
“Of me? Of us? That’s why you won’t submit the portraits. You’re too afraid of your own feelings.” I knew I was right. She was afraid. My hands dropped to my sides; I was tired.
“I didn’t say that.”
She didn’t have to. I felt like an idiot. All this time, I knew what I was getting into, didn’t I? I knew I was taking a chance. But that’s what I did, wasn’t it? Take risks, put myself out there. I let myself fall for her, and she wasn’t even willing to try.
She wasn’t even brave enough to believe in her own art, how could I expect her to follow her heart?
And where did that leave me?
“So, this was all just waste of time, huh?” I gestured between us.
Mara frowned. “What are you talking about?”
“This! Us!”
“What do you mean? What does this have to do with us? I was just mad at you because you—” she stopped.
“Because I saw your paintings of me? But why would you be mad about that? Why didn’t you show them to me yourself?” I didn’t wait for her to try to come up with an answer. “Because you were too scared. Because you don’t trust me. You don’t trust this. Because you’re still the same girl you were before I kissed you that day. Scared, uptight, Mara.”
She gasped and shook her head. Her eyes sparkled like jewels with tears. “No. That’s not true. I have changed.” She reached for me, but this time I evaded her. I couldn’t be with a coward.
“Really? Then prove it. Submit those paintings to the scholarship committee.”
I waited.
She didn’t move, neither of us did.
“Taggish,” she finally murmured. She wasn’t going to do it.
And that was that. “Good luck, Mara. I really hope you win the scholarship.”
16
Mara
What just happened? I sank down into the nearest chair. My entire body shook. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves so I could unpack the last ten minutes.
I’d been so shocked to see Taggish in the art room, standing in front of my paintings, holding one in his hand, that I’d flown off the handle. That was it. I’d overreacted. It was just instinct, I reassured myself, fight or flight. I’d honestly wanted to do both and ended up fighting for my right to hide.
Why had I done that?
I dropped my head into my hands. This wasn’t what I wanted. And now, because of my fear, I’d pushed Taggish away. The thought of losing what we were beginning to have together shredded at my heart. I’d never been so happy. Taggish, it turned out, was all that I wanted in a friend, in a boyfriend. We’d never put a title on what we were, but I loved spending time with him. He was funny, smart, and more than he let on. But more than anything else, he was kind, compassionate, understanding. His experiences had given him a depth of feeling that drew me in and made me feel safe.
How crazy was that?
This was Taggish, my annoying next-door neighbor. How could he be the one? It didn’t make any sense, or it wouldn’t have a month ago. But now? Now, it made perfect sense. We felt perfect together.
Or we did.
What would happen now? I never meant for Taggish to see those portraits. I’d painted them because of him, but they were for me. I’d never created something so personal, so intimate. The idea of sharing those pieces of my heart terrified me more than I wanted to admit.
Did that mean Taggish was right?
Was I a coward? I didn’t feel brave enough to submit those paintings to the scholarship committee, but so what? That didn’t mean I wasn’t brave enough to have feelings for him. Did it?
I’d taken a chance. We’d taken a chance—on each other. What did that have to do with my paintings? Why did the two things have to be connected? They didn’t. Taggish was just being stubborn. But I didn’t have to give in to him.
With that thought in mind, I picked up my portfolio again. Ms. Coltrain had a meeting. It was time to turn in my scholarship application.
Taggish didn’t understand. He didn’t get it.
At least, that’s what I tried to convince myself as I walked out to my car. I was putting my heart on the line with this