My Maddie (Hades Hangmen #8) - Tillie Cole Page 0,116

looking at, I saw the red mark from the blade. “Flame, no…” she said, and I heard her voice crack.

“I didn’t do it,” I said and dropped my head to hers. “I didn’t cut myself.”

Maddie’s eyes filled with tears when she met my eyes. “What can I do, baby? Please tell me what I can do to make this better. To help you, I will do anything. Anything to make things better for you.”

“I’m okay,” I said, and Maddie wiped her cheek. “A-are you?”

“I am tired.” She said and smiled. It fucking made my heart crack. “I am so tired. I have not showered in two days.” Maddie looked back toward the bedroom. “Beatrix has just fed and fallen asleep. I am going to shower now.” My pulse started racing at the thought of being left alone. “I will leave the shower door open. She will not wake. I will be out long before she does.” Maddie squeezed my hand. I was a statue as she left for the bathroom. I watched her take off her clothes and turn on the shower. She was still the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen. She climbed in the shower and the steam hid her. I didn’t move. I wanted to tell her I was sorry. I didn’t want her to be tired. I wanted her eyes to be bright again. But I didn’t know how to do it. How to make it all better. How to do any of this shit.

My head dropped and tried to think, tried to think about how to make things right, when Beatrix started crying. My head snapped up and I rushed into the bedroom. Maddie said Beatrix wouldn’t wake up. But when I looked into her bassinet, she was crying. Her eyes looked at me and she cried. My hands shook. My fucking hands shook. I looked back toward the bathroom. The shower was still on. I didn’t know if Maddie had heard her. I rocked on my feet waiting for Maddie. But Beatrix kept on crying. It was loud, and something in my chest was drawing me toward her, like a rope was pulling me close. I looked at Beatrix again. She cried louder. She cried louder and louder.

“Stop crying,” I said. But she didn’t. Tears ran down her red face. “Stop crying… please… Mama will be here soon.” But the shower still ran, and Maddie didn’t come. “Shh,” I whispered, my voice fucking shaking. But Beatrix didn’t shush.

Beatrix cried harder and harder until I reached forward and picked her up. I froze the minute she was in my arms. I fucking stopped breathing. She was in my arms. My daughter was in my arms… Big eyes looked up at me and I felt like the fucking world stopped. She stopped crying and looked up at me. My vision blurred. “I don’t wanna hurt you,” I whispered and checked her body for signs that I was. I watched her in case her skin started heating up. In case her breathing rattled and slowed down... but it didn’t. Beatrix stared up at me. Her breathing was normal. Her chest didn’t rattle.

I wasn’t hurting her.

I wasn’t hurting her… and it did not burn…

I pulled Beatrix closer and closer until she was at my chest, my hands cradling her head and my forearms supporting the rest of her body. She was wrapped in a blanket. Beatrix stopped crying. She stared at me. I stared back at her… I didn’t look away. I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath. Something in my chest was caving in, something was wrapping around my fucking heart and holding it in its fist.

“Beatrix…” I whispered. She blinked, and I felt my legs get weak. I sat on the edge of the bed, just staring down at her. She was warm in my arms. She was so little. She was… perfect. She was perfect… and looked just like Maddie. She started squirming. I held her tighter, afraid I’d let her fall. Her lip stuck out and she started crying again. “No, don’t cry,” I begged, not knowing what to do.

I thought back to mama holding my brother… to the only other baby I’d ever known—Isaiah. I thought of what she did when he cried. Opening my lips, I tried to stop my hands from shaking and sang, “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star…” Beatrix’s trembling lip stopped, and she watched me sing, no longer crying. I sang more. The more I sang; I