My Maddie (Hades Hangmen #8) - Tillie Cole Page 0,114

rasped, and bolted for the door, her hand slipping off my back. I burst through into the outdoors and ran into the woods. I stopped behind a tree and my fucking heart was racing. How did Vike do it? How did he just hold her like that? Viking wouldn’t hurt her. But I would. And if I hurt her, I’d hurt Maddie. I’d fucking ruin us all.

My knees gave way and I sank to the ground. My head fell forward. I couldn’t get my fucked up dreams from my head. I’d had them every night for weeks. Maddie and Beatrix were always in them. I thought of Isaiah. His dead body was always in there too. In the nightmares I always hurt them, always caused them pain just like Poppa always said I would. His slow retard of a son, who was tainted by the devil himself.

What if Maddie was wrong? The flames… the flames… my poppa’s voice was always in my head. All the fucking time. What if Maddie was wrong and Poppa was right? I couldn’t find out by holding Beatrix. I couldn’t risk hurting her.

I heard a twig snap and turned, ready to fucking fight. Ash held his hands up. “It’s just me,” he said and looked at my hand. I followed his gaze. I had a blade in my hand. How the fuck did I have a blade in my hand? “Were you cutting yourself?” Ash asked. I looked down at the blade. I didn’t even know I’d gotten hold of it. I looked at my arm and there was the red mark the knife had made. No blood, but the imprint of my fucking blade was clear to see. I dropped it on the grass and fisted my hair with both hands.

“FUCK!” I shouted. Ash sat down beside me.

He didn’t say anything for a while. Then, “You haven’t held Trixie yet?” I breathed slowly through my nose when something pulled in my gut. “She’s beautiful.” I nodded. She was. Every time I saw her face… she was beautiful, just like my Maddie.

“He was a fucking asshole, Flame,” Ash said. I lifted my head. Ash pulled out a smoke from his cut and lit up. I inhaled the smoke. It fucking calmed me. I stared over the trees. The sun was setting. How fucking long had we been out here? Ash took a long drag. “Poppa. He was fucked up. I know you don’t think like I do.” Ash didn’t wear a smile when I looked at his face. He wasn’t calling me a retard for being different. He was staring out over the trees. “I think about that asshole a lot. More than he ever fucking deserved. Do you ever realize that? He died, Flame. Fucking years ago, yet look at what he still does to us.”

I frowned. “What does he do to you?”

Ash caught my eye. I dropped my gaze to my leathers. “He does enough,” he said. “He killed your mama, Flame. He killed Isaiah.” I held my breath. “He did, Flame. Poppa killed Isaiah, not fucking you.” The pain in my gut started fading away. “He killed my mama too, Flame. Fuck,” Ash cursed and flicked his smoke away, only to light up another. “If you hadn’t been dumped at a hospital, eventually he would have killed you.” Ash paused. “Then he’d have come for me.” I saw my poppa’s face in my head. Saw his smile, that I didn’t think was from happiness. It wasn’t like Maddie’s happy smile. It was wrong, like it didn’t belong on his face. Even with my fucked up brain, I had realized that. He liked blood and pain. He liked hurting other people. Why the fuck did he like hurting other people so much?

I felt Ash’s eyes on me from the side. “You’re hurting Madds, brother.” The flames turned to shards of ice in my blood. My lungs stopped fucking working. I thought of Maddie’s face over the past few weeks. Her eyes didn’t shine. She had black rings underneath them. They always filled with tears when she looked at me.

“I don’t wanna hurt her,” I said, kicking my boot into the mud at my feet.

“I know. But you are. You don’t go near Trix. Fuck, brother. She looks just like Maddie. I know kids have blue eyes when they’re babies, but I reckon she’ll have Maddie’s eyes, and our hair.” I ran my hand through my hair. Beatrix already had black hair. I looked