My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding - By Katya Starkey Page 0,18

way I had, moments ago at the night club, sure has sobered me up quite a bit.

“No! I definitely didn’t think you’d know the guy!”

I’m not accusing Lara of anything and the rest of the journey home is carried out in silence. When we arrive back at my terraced home Lara helps me carry all my newly acquired sex gear inside.

“I really did have a lovely time, Lolz.” I reassure her as she’s about to leave.

“You were right though,” she looks drunkenly at me. “I shouldn’t have thrown you a hen do at all.”

“Don’t be silly.” We air kiss each other goodnight and she leaves through the door. “Although!” I shout to her. “Maybe your next friend who gets engaged should only have a bridal shower!”

Lara laughs, wobbles tipsily to the awaiting taxi and hops inside. As the cab pulls away from the curb I shut the door and walk past all the gifts I’ve left in the entrance hall. Making my way upstairs I start to pull off my too tight hen do t-shirt. It takes me ages and I get a cramp under my shoulder, but eventually I manage to get the thing off without having to cut it in half with scissors.

When I’m completely naked and my exposed skin hangs as relaxed as it naturally should do, I hop into bed next to my already sleeping fiancé. I spoon his body from behind and my hand comes into contact with his taught abs. I smile to myself, knowing he’s slightly awake as he always tenses his tummy muscles when I start-a-groping.

Come to think of it, this is the exact reason I didn’t need or want a hen do in the first place. I’ve got my perfectly fit man right here, complete with rippling abs muscles like the waiters at the night club.

And also like the abs of my cousin’s boyfriend.

As I drift off to sleep I’m hoping I dream about the right muscular structures tonight. The corded muscles that belong to my betrothed and not those of Ben’s.

Chapter 5

Oh incredible hangover, that is me this morning. My head throbs. My tummy is illin.

“I’m guessing someone had a good time last night.” Callum kisses me on the forehead. He’s leaning over the bed I’m lying in, having just gotten out of the shower. He smells of clean soap and aftershave, which is a scent on him I usually enjoy, right now though every smell in existence makes me want to puke.

“I had an okay time.” I admit. What I’m not about to admit to is the bit during the evening that ensured the good times did not extend beyond 11pm.

“Judging by these, I’d say we’re going to be having a very good time every night from now on.”

Cracking open an eye I’m startled enough by the object Callum is holding in his hands to attempt sitting up. I decide I’m not stupid enough to inflict more pain on my head, so I continue to lie on my front instead.

He already went through my bridal gifts downstairs. “Those are for after the wedding, honey bunches.”

“Oh.” Callum places the rubbery sex device onto the bedside table. “Damn.”

“Don’t be too depressed, my love.” I mumble into my pillow. “It’s not like I’m in the best state for trying out devices that I don’t even dare to look at.” Some of the sex toys I’d received are scary big!

“Well I guess you’d better get some rest today.” Callum has gotten dressed into his usual button down white shirt and black trousers. “I’ve already phoned Anika at the cafe and she said her and Fiona will take care of things just fine on their own.”

Ah Fiona. My part time assistant. I think I do deserve a day off. I’m starting to think all this wedding stuff is really getting to me.

“Wow.” I blurt. “Do you realise what this means, honey?”

Callum looks down at me questioningly.

“It means I’m going to take my first day off in two years.”

My fiancé smiles. “You deserve a rest, my darling. You’ve done a fantastic job since opening your own cafe two years ago to the day.” He walks out of the bedroom after that, leaving me to my hangover and ponderous thoughts.

I didn’t even realise today really is the second anniversary of the day I opened my cafe, which I’d hastily named after myself. Well, I certainly never pictured myself celebrating by taking the day off for the anniversary of Emily’s Cafe. I don’t really know what’s got