locked. I’ve been watching my sisters swipe drinks since I was a kid.
All the juniors and seniors from youth group were there, and a few sophomores, too. As usual, we waited until the course was closed and the maintenance staff had gone, then we snuck in under the fence and sat along the shore of the water hazard, passing the bottles around. It was hard to taste much after the first few swallows, but no one cared. At first we all joked around together, but by the time we’d finished off the smaller bottles, people started pairing up and drifting off into the trees along the northern edge of the course.
I’d been sitting next to Carolyn all night, but neither of us had talked much. We’ve been part of the same group of semifriends since we were kids, but I couldn’t have told you the last time we were alone together before tonight.
As the others started leaving, Carolyn and I slid down the grass and rolled up our jeans so we could dip our toes in the water. During the day the hazard’s only a murky little pond, but tonight the moon was full and right overhead, and the water was a sheet of black rippling glass. We stretched out and watched in silence as more and more people disappeared into the trees, until we were the only two left.
For the first few minutes, I almost forgot she was there. I was lying on my back, staring up the sky, smiling to myself about Harvey’s victory and wondering what would happen if I shut my eyes. Would I fall asleep right there by the water? Would I wake up when the sun started rising over the branches? What would happen if I stayed in that spot with my eyes closed forever, alone in the dark with nothing overhead but the stars, no sound but the water lapping gently at my ankles?
At some point my eyes must’ve fallen shut, because I remember everything was black when I heard her voice. It sounded soft and far away.
“Things have been strange lately,” she murmured.
I opened my eyes. Carolyn was propped up on one elbow, leaning over me, only inches away. I was so surprised I almost jumped back up again, but I forced a laugh. “What things?”
“You know.” She shrugged without moving away. “This whole school year. Ever since that pep rally. It was so awkward, wasn’t it?”
This was a dangerous conversation. I kept my face blank. “Awkward, how?”
“You know. I could tell you thought so. Your face was so red when your aunt called you up to give that prayer.”
“It was?”
She nodded.
I scrambled for an innocent explanation. “I, um. I don’t like getting up in front of people.”
“Also, your aunt’s a bitch.”
That time I laughed for real. I’d never heard anyone talk that way about Aunt Mandy. “You think so, too?”
“For sure. I bet she’s shitting bricks now that San Francisco elected that queer.”
I didn’t like hearing her call you that, Harvey, but I was still glad she’d called my aunt a bitch. “Probably.”
“Do you remember when we used to do that crap at sleepovers?” Carolyn hadn’t budged. If anything, her face might’ve moved closer to mine. “God, we were stupid little kids.”
She laughed, but her laughter sounded forced, the way mine had before.
“Um…” I tried to laugh, too. “Yeah.”
“I guess that’s how desperate girls can get when there aren’t any guys around.” She laughed again. “I could tell you had fun watching Annette and me. You were staring with your mouth hanging open like a fish.” She puckered her lips, fish-style. She looked ridiculous, but she still didn’t move away. I had no idea what was happening, but I wanted to put more space between us. I was getting scared.
“I wasn’t having fun.” I was talking so fast now she had to know I was lying. “I made that face because I was grossed out.”
“You didn’t look grossed out. You looked jealous.”
“What?” My heart was pounding so hard, Harvey. I don’t know how I managed not to get up