Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James Page 0,135

know, Bear?”

“Everything.” He smiles gently.

“There’s not much to tell really. When I was little, we lived in Birmingham. In Alabama. My dad was the head of his own company—that had to do with the technology that makes cell phones work. I have a slightly older brother, Rett—Everett—who has Asperger’s Syndrome. My mom had a high school friend who lived in Memphis, who also had a child with Asperger’s, and she said the services in Tennessee were better, so when I was 7 and Rett was 9, we moved to Memphis. Dad just moved the company with him.”

I peek down at him and find his eyes are focused on me.

“Mmm, so from day one, I really liked to sing. We would go to Nashville sometimes, like for plays and social events and things like that, and I got obsessed with country music. One of Rett’s obsessions is country music trivia—he knows all the trivia,” I smile, “so maybe that’s why I got turned on to it. But anyway, I went through phases where I was into all the major country singers, from Reba to tween Taylor Swift.

“It wasn’t a big deal or anything, though. I played on the tennis team, sang in school plays and stuff. And did Taekwondo. When I had a little extra time, I’d write songs and sing them and pretend to be famous.”

That word still stings a little, not because I crave it now, but because I lost it so cruelly.

Barrett’s eyes are looking up at me, urging me to go on, even though this feels like ancient history. “Mmm,” he prods, his lips curving.

“Mmm, sooo. I would sing, at church and things like that. I even recorded a few of my songs, but I didn’t understand how— or what, even, to do next. I tried reaching out to small record companies, but you know how that goes. Or if you don’t—” I stroke his hair— “it’s basically impossible. I had this idea that I could be a doctor and I’d sing on the side or something. Weddings. I don’t know.” I laugh at that idea now.

Barrett takes the hand stroking his hair and brings it to his mouth, brushing his lips over my palm.

“Go on, Pig.”

I feign pressing my palm against his face, and Barrett nips at my pinkie.

“Anyway. I got into Duke for pre-med—” His brows arch, and I smile, just because he’s so handsome, and looking at him makes me feel a little lighter. “So Duke is where I met Elvie. Elvie Wesson.”

Bear nods slowly, his gorgeous face expressionless.

“He was pre-med too. We met in the registration line the very first day.” I pause, remembering that moment. The way Elvie stepped behind me and wrapped his hands over my eyes, as if we knew each other. “His parents, you know, are pretty famous, so Elvie never had trouble breaking into music. I kinda put my singing stuff on hold and just did school and sports and stuff. I got discovered during a tournament. Taekwondo tournament.”

“Discovered?” He smiles, but it’s more sweet and sad than teasing.

“As they say.” I arch my brows.

“Did you like it? Modeling?” he asks.

I bite my lip and shrug. “I was in a different place then. Honestly?” I blink down at him. “It made me feel good. Important. This is weird to say, but I was hanging out with Elvie’s family a lot, and compared to them, I felt like a nobody. Almost like a groupie. So the modeling made me feel like I fit in more. And then I got the part of Jessica in End of Day, this indie film, and that was even better. That whole time period, when I remember it…” I shake my head. “It was like one long Christmas morning. And then I got a record deal.” I can hear the wistfulness in my own words. As if he can feel the way my heart squeezes, Barrett’s gentle fingers stroke my side.

“I thought I had it all. I mean, I kind of did. Elvie and I were serious, or I thought we were. I bought a little house. I could tell myself…you know, in retrospect, that I had always been going there. I put myself up on this stage in my head, and even before I had an album…” I swallow. “I never had an album.” I laugh, and even to my own ears, it sounds a little bitter. “I was living the dream in my own mind. I’m kind of glad it was so