came above getting new toys. “You’ve had a busy hour.”
“We divided and conquered. One of the toys is meant for grown-ups, and you can thank Uncle Henry for that one.”
“What’s gotten into Uncle Henry?” Uncle Henry didn’t do nice. He would offer loans, and he’d give reasonable repayment plans, but he didn’t do nice. “It’s too early for Christmas. He does Christmas as early as October, and not a day sooner.”
“Your birthday is coming up soon.”
“In three months.”
“How many months away from December is October?”
Oh, right. Uncle Henry’s three-month rule applied to birthdays, too. “I acknowledge my stupidity and wish to be forgiven.”
“That’s my kitten. You’re getting coal for your actual birthday, so you run on in and accept your presents now. Your brothers are getting coal, too. They deserve it.”
I laughed at that. “What’d they do now?”
“Mating season,” my father grumbled.
“As evidenced by the fact Mother is pregnant again. And? We’re technically always in season, Dad. Our typical mating season is over. That was, oddly enough, around two months ago. In February and March. It’s now early May.”
“And your twin brothers tend to go into season in late May to June, unlike your mamma, who likes following the more natural order of thing. She blames me.”
Mom always blamed Dad for everything. “Just because my brothers lose all common sense in May and June doesn’t mean I have that problem.”
I was a little liar, but as my virus was picky, my daddy’s nose never picked up on my mating season. As long as asshole lions named Sebastian didn’t cross my path and put up a fuss and roar, it didn’t matter if my virus got rowdy two months each year. When Sebastian came around, I had a purring problem, which led to more roaring until the lion ran away due to the frustration of a lynx taunting him. I enjoyed winning, and without fail, I won.
I enjoyed hating the lion.
The mention of mating season did remind me I needed to pick up a new bottle of my perfume when I reached Cincinnati; my old one had a spritz or two left and wouldn’t last through my chain of bounties. I had no idea how the CDC had done it, but it did a good job of confusing interested males and diverting their attention to elsewhere.
I wondered if the perfume would work if I sprayed it in Sebastian’s face.
“Harvey’s having that problem right now, and he’s having a particularly troublesome season.”
I sucked in a breath and bounced on my toes. “Did he find a girl?”
“She’s thinking about it.”
I squealed, abandoned my father, and dove into the house. “Harvey, you mangey mutt, where are you?” In a five bedroom house, cramming in more than forty people meant someone occupied every inch of available space, and I needed to step over bodies on my way to the kitchen, the most likely place Hugh and Harvey would hide. “Come out, come out, Harvey. Daddy says you’ve been bothering a lady.”
“I am not bothering her!” my brother replied from the direction of the kitchen.
All right. I could get to the kitchen. It involved dodging a mix of men, mostly my brothers, but I could get there.
Uncle Henry, who took tall and handsome to the extremes, waved from his spot sitting in the hallway, a hazard for anyone trying to reach the kitchen from the living room. I delayed from accosting my brother long enough to hold out my hand. “The contents of your wallet, sir. You’re a bad man, and you deserve to be mugged for your lunch money.”
“This is more like your food budget for the entire time you’re in Cincinnati,” Uncle Henry complained, but he shifted his weight off his back pocket, retrieved his wallet, and handed me his cash. “I’ve learned my lesson. Please don’t kick me too hard.”
I pocketed the money without counting it before jamming my toe into the side of his leg. As requested, I kept my kick on the softer side. “You can think about mugging my brothers for vacation money for a trip to Hawaii as a Christmas present, but this trip is to Cincinnati, and I won’t be tolerating any changes to my current vacation plans.”
“I can work with that. You’re hard to shop for because you won’t usually accept presents. But you’ll accept presents from the little ones, so I abused my authority as your favorite uncle to utilize this loophole in the Uncle-Niece Relationship Contract.”