wanted to be planning breakfast for them both and to know that tomorrow she’d be putting on her black pants and the white jacket with the Vine and Horn logo.
She wanted to go back to having a future in front of her, not this dead, gray blank.
She stayed under the water until she actually felt like she might be starting to burn.
Finally, she shut the water off and dried herself and put on clean black jeans and a black T-shirt. She brushed her teeth and looked at herself in the mirror.
Her reflection didn’t show any hints about what she should do, so she walked back out into the room.
“There you are! I was starting to think you’d drowned.”
Jeannie was on the bed with the remote. The pizza guy must have shown up while Dana was in the shower, because Jeannie had the box open beside her and was halfway through a slice of pepperoni and sausage.
“What do you want to watch?”
Dana sat down on the other half of the bed, one leg dangling over the edge. “Nothing. You pick.”
“Come on, honey. We gotta keep it together for just a little bit longer, okay? Get some coffee. Eat something.” Jeannie elbowed the box toward her. “Your mom will be back as soon as she can.”
Dana looked at her for a long time. She couldn’t trust this woman she’d waited her whole life to know. But she could trust Mom. Mom would know what to do about Jeannie.
It wasn’t a future, but it was better than nothing.
Dana picked up a slice and bit into the tip.
“That’s really bad.”
“Yeah, but it’s hot. Come on. Show me how to work this thing.” She held the remote toward Dana.
Dana sighed and worked the controls to bring up Netflix.
It’s just until Mom gets back, she told herself. Then we are outta here.
On impulse, she chose the Great British Baking Show. While the hosts joked about biscuits and the narrator extolled the skills of the new set of bakers, Dana got up to pour herself a cup of coffee from the little pot on the dresser. She plopped back down on the bed and reclaimed her piece of pizza. It was greasy and it sagged under the weight of its toppings, but she bit into it anyway, because apparently there was some kind of physical law that you couldn’t leave a slice uneaten, no matter how bad it was. So she ate. She drank. The coffee was as bad as the pizza, but she finished both of them anyway. The first episode ended and segued straight into the second. She ate more bad pizza and tried to decide what she would do if she were a contestant. Maybe it could still happen. Maybe one day. After Mom got back.
Dana Fraser, will you please bring that spectacular biscuit tower up to the gingham altar?
…And what flavor are these?
Those are the cardamom and chocolate, and those are the greasy pizza cheese and blood…
Dana shook her head. Jesus, I’m falling asleep in my pizza. She tried to focus on the screen, but she kept slowly sagging back against the headboard.
“It’s okay, hon.” Grandma lifted the paper coffee cup from her fingers. “Close your eyes. I’ll wake you up as soon as your mom gets back.”
“Yeah, but I want…I want…”
“I know. Here. Lean on me.” Jeannie wrapped her arm around Dana’s shoulders and pulled her close.
Dana couldn’t resist. She just leaned her head against her grandmother’s shoulder. She didn’t want to sit like this. She didn’t like the feeling of her grandmother’s bony shoulder digging into her ear. But she didn’t pull away. It didn’t seem worth the effort. She wanted to turn her face toward the screen too. The male judge—Paul Hollywood—was giving somebody shit about their biscuits lacking snap. But she couldn’t manage even that much motion. All she could do was blink at the little amber bottle on the nightstand. She hadn’t noticed it before. Why hadn’t she noticed it before?
Grandma was stroking her hair. “It’ll be okay, honey. I promise. Hey, watch. The guy with the…”
Dana never heard. The world had gone away.
CHAPTER FIFTY-EIGHT
Buying the new IDs had been remarkably straightforward. The apartment was raggedy but no worse than other places Beth had been in. The two unshaven white guys had beer guts and blank eyes. They looked at the real IDs, pulled some fresh cards out of a file cabinet, and made sure the names on each set matched. They took Todd’s money, they handed the