cave,” Ari said, as I made my way into the kitchen.
“Yeah. I feel better today.”
“I’ll bet you do.” She wriggled her brows at me.
“Please. Nothing happened. It was sweet of him to come, huh?”
Ari hopped up to sit on the counter. “Sure was. But he always shows up, doesn’t he?”
“Yeah. He does,” I said quietly.
“What are you so afraid of? Why can’t you forgive him?”
“I do forgive him. I’m just being cautious. I want to make sure he doesn’t get caught back up in that whole rock star lifestyle, you know?”
“I get that you want to protect your heart, I really do. But he went to rehab, it’s been almost six months. He’s on tour and he’s keeping it all together and still making you his priority.”
“Damn, he’s even charmed you I see,” I said, pouring us each a cup of coffee, and handing her the mug that said, Good Morning, Asshole.
She laughed. “Ah, my favorite saying ever. He didn’t charm me, just calling it as I see it. When everything went down last year, I was so pissed at him, trust me. But he beat himself up over what happened, and he actually did something about it. And he’s proved himself over and over. On top of that, let’s call a spade a spade. You’re miserable without him.”
“Yeah, but I know how caught up I get when I’m with him. I’m so afraid to cross the line and get hurt again. I don’t think I could take it a second time around. I have so much going on with school and research and interviews. There’s no room for drama. And Cruz’s lifestyle, well, it’s not an easy one.”
“No one ever said love was easy, kid.” Ari cocked her head to the side, her blonde shoulder-length hair bounced around and she laughed.
“Thanks, Mom.”
“Life’s messy. We all have our fair share of drama. But I promise you, you’re going to miss out if you hide from everything good, just because you’re afraid of getting hurt,” she said.
“Are you sure you don’t want to study psychology? You’ve got a gift.”
“Nah, the classes are too hard. I wouldn’t have any me-time,” she said after we dropped our mugs in the sink and walked out the door, making our way to class.
I thought about what she said. I hated that I was afraid to go all in with Cruz again. And that’s what it really came down to—fear. And I didn’t know how to get past it.
I had my Northwestern interview today, and I was ready with an hour to spare. Not a lot of sleeping goes on the night before a medical school interview. I slipped into my black suit and glanced in the mirror letting out a long breath. I dropped down at my desk and pulled out Mom’s journal and opened to today’s date.
November 5th
Dear Journal,
The network talked to me about increasing my hours. I really feel like I’m making a name for myself. I want to get hired on here after I graduate, so I’m going to just keep my head down and work hard. Jack and I are better than ever. He’s stopped going out after work so much. I think he’s trying to impress the older guys at the firehouse. But he’s finding balance, and I can’t ask for more than that.
Last night, we had THE TALK. You know… the one about the future. About what we both want. He told me he sees us married with children, and as much as that topic used to scare me off, it didn’t this time. I believe everyone has one person. One perfect match. Jack Moore is mine. He’s not perfect, and he makes me mad sometimes. But he’s perfect for me. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why. But I do know that I can’t imagine my life without him. I do know that when he talks about the future, I like it. I didn’t even gag when he brought up marriage. I never thought I’d be that girl. But the thought of marrying this boy, well, it gives me all sorts of butterflies.