there were better ways to contact me than using a phone. Hell, Quinn could have just found me telepathically. The link between us had grown a lot stronger since Kye's death.
Kye.
The thought of him had my stomach twisting. I closed my eyes and pushed away the guilt and the anger and the pain that always rose at the mere flicker of memory. I'd killed my soul mate. Willingly. And now I had to live with the consequences.
Even if part of me still just wanted to curl up and die.
I glanced down at the phone again. It was tempting to ignore Jack's call, but I couldn't. I'd chosen to live - and whether I liked it or not, the Directorate was a part of my life.
I flicked a switch on the phone and brought up the call data. It was definitely Jack. I'd told him two days ago that I was ready to go back to work, but now that the time was here, I wasn't so sure.
Truth be told, I didn't want to pick up a gun again. I didn't want to have to shoot anybody again - especially after what had happened with Kade and Kye. I feared the hesitation that had led to Kade's death. But most of all, I feared that I wouldn't hesitate. That I'd become the unthinking killer that Jack wanted me to be, simply because of the fear that I'd lose someone else if I didn't.
I'd spent a long time fighting Jack's desire to make me a guardian. When I'd finally become one, the fight had twisted, becoming a battle against his plans and my own nature. I didn't want to be the killer my brother was. As much as I loved him - as much as I didn't want to live without him - Rhoan's occasional ruthlessness scared the hell out of me.
Kade had once said that everyone hesitates, but he'd been wrong. My brother never did, and neither did the other guardians. Just me.
And that hesitation had cost me Kade.
I felt trapped, caged between the boulders of fate, my own nature, and fear. As much as I wanted to walk away from the Directorate, I couldn't. The drug given to me so long ago was still running rampant in my bloodstream, and the changes to my body were continuing. The scientists monitoring me were almost positive that, unlike the other recipients of the drug, I wouldn't gain the ability to take on multiple shifter forms - meaning I was stuck with the alternate shape of a goddamn seagull - but my clairvoyant skills were still growing, still changing. No one was sure where it would stop, and until it all settled down, I was stuck with the choice of the Directorate or the military.
And it was always better to stick to the devil you knew.
I drew in a shuddering breath, then hit the phone's call button. Jack answered second ring.
"You wanted me, boss?"
"Yeah, I did." He hesitated. "Are you okay? You still sound tired."
"I'm fine." But I rubbed a hand across my eyes and half wished that I'd lied. He'd given me the perfect out, and we both knew it. But I really did have to get on with my life - even the bits of it I was no longer so sure about.
"What's happening?"
"We've got what looks like a ritual killing. If you're feeling up to it, I'd like you to go over there and see if there's a soul hanging about."
"Sure. Send me the address and I'll head straight there." I hesitated. "It'll take me at least an hour, though. I'm up at the Grampians."
He didn't ask me why. He knew it was Kade's final resting place, and he also knew I'd missed his funeral.
"That's fine. Cole and his men are only just heading to the scene themselves. I'll send the report and the address to your onboard."
"Thanks, boss."
He grunted and hung up. I threw the phone on the passenger seat, then started the car and swung out of the parking lot. The computer beeped as I turned onto the Grampians Road and headed for the Western Highway. I pressed the screen, getting the address and transferring it across to the nav computer. I didn't bother looking at the report - I preferred getting my impressions from Cole and my own observations. I'd read it later, once I'd seen the crime scene for myself.
The body had been discovered in Melton, a suburb on the very outskirts of Melbourne. It had