it’s not working. I thought it would, but it hasn’t. And now I’m trapped. I’ve got myself into a situation that I can’t get out of.’
‘So you’re telling me you don’t want to be with Ellie.’ Roo gripped the black wrought-iron railings. ‘But she wants to be with you.’
‘I don’t know. I think so. But I can’t honestly tell.’ There was genuine pain in his eyes. ‘And I was the one who started it, so what can I do? On paper we’re perfect for each other. We had Jamie in common. I knew how much she was missing him and I wanted to make her feel better. And I’ve tried, I really have tried my best, but it’s just not happening.’ Todd shrugged helplessly. ‘If it was anyone else, I’d finish with them, but how can I do that to Ellie? She’s been through so much. I’m not going to be the one who hurts her again.’
Talk about a close call. Thank goodness she’d come to her senses in time. Filled with self-loathing, Roo said, ‘Of course you can’t. Oh God, and look what we almost did to her tonight. I can’t bear it.’
‘But you did it to Niall’s wife.’
Was that how Todd thought of her? As the lowest of the low? Her fingers ached now from gripping the railings. ‘That’s different.’ Even if it was still despicable. ‘Ellie’s my friend.’
‘It’s not just sex, though. You and me.’ He gazed at her with genuine emotion. ‘This… thing between us. I know it’s come out of nowhere… but it feels real.’
‘Forget it. None of it’s real and nothing’s going to happen. You’re leaving now, and I’m going to bed.’ Awash with shame, Roo said, ‘Will you tell Ellie about any of this?’
Which was like asking Prince Charles if he enjoyed eating boiled kittens. In disbelief, Todd said, ‘Of course not.’
‘Right. Bye, then.’ Roo watched him turn away. The guilt almost more than she could bear, she didn’t tell him that she might.
Chapter 28
‘What are you doing?’ said Todd.
Ellie carried on texting. They were on their way to his mum’s barbecue in Wimbledon. ‘I’ve been trying to get through to Roo all day. She’s still not answering her phone. I hope she’s all right.’
‘She’ll be fine. You look nice.’
‘Hmm?’ Her fingers flying over the keys, Ellie finished her message:
Roo, call me back. Are you OK? Worried about you!
Love, Ellie xxx.
She pressed Send, then glanced up and said absently, ‘Oh, this dress? Thanks.’ Now why was he looking at her like that? Had she done something wrong? Quick, think… right, she was his girlfriend, maybe he was waiting for her to come up with a compliment in return. She smiled brightly, touched Todd’s crisp cotton sleeve, and said, ‘Your shirt’s very nice too!’
***
‘Here they are! Oh, will you just look at this?’ Maria Howard’s excitement knew no bounds as she turned and saw them coming through the French doors that opened on to her back garden. Her arms flinging wide like an angel’s wings, she sent a mini wave of Pimm’s cascading into the herbaceous border. ‘My wonderful son and his beautiful girlfriend! Come here, come here… oh, Ellie, it’s so lovely to see you again! And don’t you look perfect together!’
‘Sorry,’ Todd murmured in her ear. ‘I did warn you.’
He had, but there was still no escape. Ellie found herself smothered in Maria’s Lauder-scented, flowery-bloused embrace. She was touched by the welcome, even if it did mean she felt a bit of a fraud. Everyone was going to think she and Todd were a proper couple in a normal relationship. Whereas in reality she was feeling more and more like an alien doing her best to pass herself off as a human being.
‘You don’t know how happy it makes me.’ Maria was now holding her at arm’s length, surveying her with pride. ‘Seeing the two of you like this. Poor Jamie, we all loved him so much. But he’d want you to move on with your life.’
Ellie nodded and said, ‘I know,’ a lump springing to her throat. The last time she’d seen Todd’s mum had been at Jamie’s funeral and her memories of that day were hazy. Before that, they’d met a few times. It was slightly intimidating, though, that Maria was gazing at her as rapturously as a future mother-in-law. Hastily, she handed over the card and present she’d brought along and changed the subject. ‘Anyway, happy birthday! You’re looking fantastic!’
‘Am I? Oh, you’re so sweet!’ Maria gave her another