with Jamie, their deep friendship, his past girlfriends, his family, and his career. In return she had told him about her music, her childhood, and her lamentable history with the opposite sex. And somehow, over the course of the evening, her perception of Todd Howard had undergone a complete sea change.
Or… or… his perception of her had altered and the fact that he was now viewing her differently meant she was able to relax and stop being so prickly and defensive.
Or something. Either way, it had been the most unbelievable transformation. Out of nowhere, a kind of electricity had sprung up. Each time she looked at Todd she could feel it. And from the way he was looking back at her, gazing unwaveringly into her eyes, he was feeling it too.
Not that either of them had said as much. But it was right there, hovering in the air between them like smog.
And, also like smog, it was breathtaking. She was finding it harder and harder to breathe…
‘OK.’ Todd abruptly broke the silence that had fallen. ‘Are you waiting for me to go first?’
‘What?’ Roo’s glass was empty but she picked it up and took a nervous pretend sip anyway. Her teeth clanked against the rim.
‘Hey. You know what.’ He took the glass and placed it on the coffee table. Then he reached for her, cupped her face in his cool hands, and said, ‘I never thought I’d be doing this, not in a million years. But I have to.’
Their mouths were just inches apart; any closer and she’d go cross-eyed. On his way back to the flat, Todd had stopped at the liquor store and bought a single bottle of wine; that was all they’d had between them. Roo knew she wasn’t drunk but she’d never felt so powerless.
‘What about Ellie?’ Her voice caught in her throat, came out as a croak.
‘Oh God, I know. I don’t want to hurt her. But… it’s not right.’
‘I know it’s not right! We can’t do this! I have to leave… that’s it, I’m going home.’ Roo struggled to pull away, scrambling clumsily to her feet. But Todd was shaking his head, standing up too, not releasing his grip.
‘I didn’t mean it like that. It’s me and Ellie… our relationship’s not right. I’ve tried and tried, but it just isn’t working. It’s not even a proper… thing.’
‘We still shouldn’t be doing this.’
‘I know.’ He pulled her close to him, wrapped his arms around her, and just held her tightly. Without moving. For twenty, thirty seconds they stayed like that. The longer Todd didn’t kiss her, the more desperately she wanted him to. Her skin was buzzing, her whole body had never felt so alive. Finally, he released her and gazed deep into her eyes. ‘Well? Shall we stop now?’
Roo couldn’t speak. Was this how it felt to be on death row and hear that your final appeal had been turned down? All she could do was gaze back in wonder and drink in the details of his face, of those features that had seemed so ordinary before yet had become, in the space of just a few hours, extraordinary… the broad forehead, those curly eyelashes, and the gray eyes that, close up, were flecked with sparks of amber. His face was just the right shape for his features, his mouth was irresistible… oh God, she had to back away but she couldn’t do it, she just couldn’t…
‘No.’ Todd smiled slightly, reading her mind. ‘Me neither.’ He reached for her hand again—electricity, more electricity than she knew what to do with—and led her to the doorway. ‘Come on, we can’t stay here.’
Together they left the flat and made their way across the road. The tingling skin was still happening. Roo felt as if she were in a dream… she was no longer responsible for her actions…
Oh, for crying out loud, how utterly pathetic, of course she was responsible. Who else was she hoping to blame it on? She stopped dead on the pavement outside her own house and dug her heels in. ‘This is wrong. It’s not going to happen.’
‘Roo.’ Todd took a deep breath. ‘Just so you know the truth. I need to explain about me and Ellie.’
She clapped her hands over her face; it was Niall and Yasmin all over again. ‘I don’t want to hear it.’
‘You must. What did I tell you before? Listen to me. It’s not a proper relationship. There’s no sex,’ said Todd. ‘There’s no intimacy. It’s not real,